13 Notable Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating On You

Kate has been feeling something fishy in her husband’s behavior of late. If you are experiencing a similar situation in your life, you would want to know signs your spouse is cheating on you. Finding out that the person who means the world to you is into someone can leave you heartbroken. You feel betrayed, shattered, and used. Infidelity is a deal-breaker in every relationship. If your instincts tell you that your spouse is seeing another woman, this post on signs of a cheating spouse can help you deal with the situation.

Why Do People Cheat On Their Spouses?

You might be the culprit or the victim of cheating. Either way, knowing the reasons for cheating could help you make efforts to overcome the situation.

Here are some instances that set the premise for cheating:

1. Opportunity: Sometimes, situations give the person an opportunity to cheat and give in to the temptation. They might meet a new friend online or it could be their colleague or neighbor or just anybody, who is willing to foster a relationship that is beyond friendship.

2. Validation: Some people like to be validated all the time due to their inadequacies and insecurities. They need appreciation and compliments to feel good. When they get that validation from an outsider, it could lead to an affair.

3. Sexual incompatibility: Sex is one of the important means of connection between couples. When the spouse lacks interest, it could make a person look for it outside.

4. Sharing personal feelings: When a person begins sharing their personal feelings with somebody, they gradually become closer and form a connection. Unknowingly, they start liking the person and it could result in cheating the spouse.

5. Physical attraction: Is a type of physical connection that can grow, if fostered, and eventually lead to an affair.

6. Unhappy marriage: If a person has a troubled marriage already, they will turn to outside sources for happiness. An affair could be an option that helps them escape into a seemingly pleasanter world

7. Insecurity: If the person feels insecure of their spouse due to the latter’s better career, looks, wealth or something else, an extramarital affair could be a means to make them feel superior.

8. Feeling neglected: When a person feels constantly neglected by their spouse, they get drawn to somebody who pays them attention, listens to them and understands them. They would want to spend time with such a person.

9. Crave variety: Some people get bored in their relationship and crave for variety and new things. They are curious to explore what else is out there so they try having an affair and get headlong into it even before they realize.

10. Serial cheater: Once a cheater, always a cheater. Some people have an inherent nature to cheat. This could be due to their learned behaviors growing up, fear of commitment, or inability to resist temptation.

11. Mental conditions: If a person suffers from a mental illness or substance abuse, infidelity could be on the cards.

Such cases begin as a temporary fling and without any serious intentions. With a little time, they can become a habit. Now, you may be asking “How can I tell if my partner is cheating”. Here are signs to keep on the lookout.

Signs Of A Cheating Spouse

If you suspect something is wrong in your relationship and feel that your spouse is acting different and things aren’t the way they used to be, look out for these signs of cheating.

1. Change in behavior: People who cheat feel guilt and shame. So they try to make up for that by criticizing you, quarreling often, avoiding conversations, and not spending time with you. The quality of your relationship reduces significantly.

2. Frequent password changes: If you find your spouse changing email, mobile or social media accounts passwords frequently, it might mean that they are hiding something from you, such as an affair.

3. Protects their mobile phone: They guard their cell phone like a lion, and might always put it on silent mode. They don’t answer calls when you are around or talk in your presence.

4. Spends extra time on the laptop: Unfortunately, the latest technology has made chatting, dating, and private email accounts so readily available that an affair is just a click away. If you find your spouse spending more time online, it can be a red flag in your relationship.

5. Hides things: Healthy marriages have nothing to hide. If your spouse starts keeping secrets, doesn’t let you check their bags or makes sudden plans to go out of town, take a cue from it.

6. Decreased interest in intimacy and sex: Your partner might suddenly not show interest in you and avoid sexual contact. When you try to initiate sex, your partner will persistently say they are tired and just want to sleep.

7. Deletes the calls and browsing history: When your spouse doesn’t want you to see history on their phone, they will delete their call records, texts, and browsing history.

8. Takes extra care of their appearance: If you think your spouse is taking extra time and interest to look good, there can be more to it. They make efforts to look nicer, start exercising daily, visit the salon often, and may buy new cosmetics too. If they are doing these things and avoiding you, most likely they are trying to get someone else’s attention.

9. Showers you with gifts: They will gift you for no reason. Their guilty feeling can take over them, and they are likely to address it by showering expensive gifts on you.

10. Displays unusual behavior: They spend more time away from home and are disinterested in the family get-togethers, parties or going out with you. They may start coming home from work later than usual, traveling more often or neglecting those letters from the kids school.

11. Increased expenditure: Their credit card statement shows excessive spending – hotel expenses, restaurant bills, gifts, and other unusual things.

12. Hardly communicates with you: Communication is poor or non-existent. They stop confiding in you and sharing stuff with you. They won’t even give you the chance to fight with them.

13. Your gut feeling: If you feel that something is fishy or your instinct is telling you that something’s wrong in your relationship, then it is highly likely that something is NOT right.

It is devastating to learn about your partner being unfaithful to you and you are going to be constantly thinking why they did that to you. When you ask your partner, they may just deny that there is anything. Therefore, be open in your conversation with them and discuss what evidence led you to believe in the affair.

How To Catch A Cheating Partner?

It’s not easy to catch your spouse red-handed. Here are some ways to catch a cheating partner:

1. Observe their sleeping patterns: Sleeping habits of a cheating partner change drastically. They may sleep late at night or wake up early in the morning on the pretext of work. They might check messages or talk secretly over the phone during nights.

2. Facebook posts: Check out their Twitter and Facebook posts and see where they are checking in, and who is frequently figuring in their chats.

3. Follow them after a fight: People who cheat their partners use ‘fight’ as a strategy to get out of the house and meet the other person. If your partner is doing that,Track the expenditure: Check the credit card statements, ATM withdrawals, fuel bills, and other miscellaneous expenses and see where spending has varied.

If  you have gathered enough suspicions about your spouse’s and suspecting cheating, you would want to confront them then and there. Don’t be in a haste but plan it well.

How To Confront A Cheating Spouse

Cheating is a breach of trust and you just hope it didn’t happen. You will find it hard to confront but you need to do it. Here are the steps to confront your partner:

1. Gather the proofs:

If you don’t have solid proof, your partner will defend themselves and deny the affair. Gather everything that you find suspicious. For example, some outstation hotel bills in your spouse’s bag or a friend who has seen your spouse with someone else more than once. When you have the evidence, you are much more confident to confront them.

2. Plan how you are going to confront:

If you want your spouse to accept your claims, then you should plan your confrontation.

• Set up a time and place for talking. Make sure you have plenty of time and not in a rush.

• Don’t let anything distract you during the talk. If you have children, wait until they are asleep or away playing or studying.

• Choose the words you want to use, and the sentences you want to begin with. Do not blame or criticize your partner because this is going to cause them to be defensive and the conversation will go nowhere.

3. Reflect on what you want from your partner:

Before you confront, have clarity on your thoughts and expectations from them.

• Do you want your spouse to explain their affair?

• Do you want to know what made them cheat — is something lacking in your relationship or were they tempted or trapped into it?

• Do you want your spouse to accept their mistake?

• Do you want to forgive them and reconcile?

• Do you want to move out of the relationship?

4. Pen your feelings:

It’s very likely for you to get emotional during the confrontation and miss out on important points you may want to ask. Hence, write down whatever you want to ask:

• What are your feelings at the moment?

• How are you going to relay it to your spouse?

• What is the outcome that you want after the confrontation?

5. Ask questions gently but in a direct manner:

Instead of blaming or accusing them, begin slowly and confront them effectively. You can begin with questions such as:

• I have noticed you are staying late in the office lately, is there something you want me to know?

• It seems to me that you are spending a lot of time texting on your phone, should I be worried about our relationship?

6. Remain calm:

Stay calm to extract something constructive from the confrontation.

• Take a deep breath before you confront.

• Don’t get too emotional; that can prevent you from having a stable conversation.

• Focus on the situation and put your emotions in check.

7. Don’t have any expectations:

If you build up expectations that your partner would accept their wrongdoing, apologize to you and promise to come back to you, you might get disappointed. Have an open mind and be ready to accept the bitter truth.

Imagine your spouse has accepted their affair and pleaded with you to give a second chance. What would you do?

Should You Give Your Cheating Spouse A Second Chance?

It depends on the circumstances. The decision is ultimately up to you. Things to consider when making your decision are the following:

• The affair was with an ex-partner and lasted for a long time.

• Your partner is not sorry about what they did.

• This is not the first time they cheated on you.

• They do not want to stop cheating.

Any of these considerations may lead you to end the relationship because it shows their unwillingness to fully commit to you.

• They have always been honest with you and this is the first time they cheated you.

• They apologize and realize the damage caused by the affair.

• You have strong feelings for each other that reciprocate and want to strengthen your relationship.

• Your partner has been tricked, instigated or forced into having an affair.

• Your partner is willing to fully commit to you and keep things transparent.

References

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