160 Funny Christmas Jokes For Kids To Share
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Are you looking for some Christmas-themed jokes to get your kids all excited about Christmas? Do you find yourself sniggering along and wish to share these funny anecdotes with your little ones? If you are looking for some funny and witty christmas jokes for kids, we have the perfect solution. Scroll down to browse through our collection of 150+ Christmas jokes for children that will leave them in splits.
Best Christmas Jokes For Kids:
Here is our pick of funny Christmas jokes for kids that will have your tots laughing out ho ho ho:
1. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Murray.
Murray who?
Murray Christmas, one and all!
2. What’s a good time for Santa to come down the chimney?
What?
Anytime!
3. Where do snowmen keep their money?
Beats me!
In a snow bank.
4. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!
5. Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can ‘ho ho ho’!
6. What do snowmen like to do on the weekend?
What?
Chill out.
7. What do you get if you cross an iPad with a Christmas tree?
I don’t know. What?
A pineapple!
8. What are you going to give your little brother for Christmas this year?
I haven’t decided yet.
What did you give him last year?
The measles.
9. What has a jolly laugh, brings you presents and scratches up your furniture?
Beats me. What?
Santa Claws.
10. What do elves do after school?
I don’t know. What?
Their gnome work!
11. What’s the difference between Santa’s reindeer and a knight?
What?
One slays the dragon, and the other’s dragging the sleigh.
12. When asked about his job, Frosty always replies, “There’s no business like snow business.”
13. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Dexter.
Dexter, who?
Dexter halls with boughs of holly.
14. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog?
I give up.
Frostbite.
15. Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
Dunno. Why?
Because he had low elf-esteem!
16. What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
What?
Do you smell carrots?
17. One night a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said, “It’s going to rain.”
His wife asked, “How do you know?”
“Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
18. What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
19. Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any mince pies left?
20. What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!
21. What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!
22. What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
23. What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!
24. Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
25. Who is Santa’s favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
26. What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet!
27. What did Santa say to the smoker?
Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf!
28. What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments!
29. Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks!
30. How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle!
31. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!
32. What do you call a cat in the desert?
Sandy Claws!
33. What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!
34. What carol is heard in the desert?
O camel ye faithful!
35. What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper!
36. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsilitis!
37. What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
Nice gnawing you!
38. Why are Christmas Trees like bad knitters?
They keep losing their needles!
40. What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle Smells!
41. What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?
Mistle-toad!
42. What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
Stick with me and we’ll go places!
43. Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were two deer!
44. Why don’t you ever see Father Christmas in a hospital?
Because he has private elf care!
45. Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
Because their days are numbered!
46. What did the cow say on Christmas morning?
Mooooey Christmas!
47. What never eats at Christmas time?
The turkey – it’s usually STUFFED!
48. What is the most special part of your body at Christmas?
MistleTOE!
49. What goes “oh, oh, oh”?
Santa walking backwards!
50. What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
A. Jungle bells, jungle bells!
51. What is green, white, and red all over?
A sun burnt elf!
52. What rains at the North Pole?
Reindeer!
53. Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners?
Rude-olph!
54. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing, it was on the house!
55. Why is Santa so good at karate?
Because he has a black belt!
56. What flies when it’s born, lies when it’s alive, and runs when it’s dead?
Snow.
57. How long should a reindeer’s legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground!
58. What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?
Santa Claus.
59. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
Because of all the wrapping!
60. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
[ Read: Christmas Stories For Kids ]
61.
Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
Because he wanted to sleep like a log!
62. Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
Because only men would stand out in the snow without a coat.
63. Where do snowmen go to dance?
The snowball.
64. What’s white and red and goes up and down and up and down?
Santa Claus in an elevator!
65. What comes before Christmas Eve?
Christmas Adam!
66. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A puddle!
67. Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!
68. Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Irish.
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!
69. Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow use. I forgot my name again!
70. Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Ho, Ho, Ho.
Ho, Ho, Ho who?
Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to you!
71. Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!
72. Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Santa.
Santa who?
Santa Clause!
73. Santa Claus: What’s that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It’s rain deer.
74. It was Christmas, and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?”
“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.
“That’s no offense,” said the judge.
“It is if you do it before the shops are open,” countered the prosecutor.
75. Husband: Why don’t you buy Christmas seals?
Wife: I really don’t know how I’d feed them!
76. What do you call Santa when he stops moving?
Santa Pause.
77. How do you scare a snowman?
You get a hair dryer.
78. What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
Nothing. Reindeer can’t talk.
79. What Christmas Carol is a favorite of parents?
Silent night.
80. Where does mistletoe go to become famous?
“Holly” wood.
81. What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?
Santa Clues!
82. What happened when the snowwoman got angry at the snowman?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
83. What is a snowman’s favorite lunch?
An Iceberger!
84. What do vampires put on their Christmas turkey?
Grave-y.
85. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
I’ll have a boo Christmas without you.
86. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet!
87. What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo.
88. How is the Christmas alphabet different from the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has NO EL.
89. What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
Thanks, I’ll never part with it!
90. What did the big candle say to the little candle?
I’m going out tonight.
91. Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Because it soots him.
92. What’s the best thing to put into Christmas pie?
Your teeth!
93. If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
Missletoe!
94. What does Santa like to eat?
A jolly roll.
95. How does Santa take pictures?
With his North Pole-aroid.
96. As a little girl climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual, “And what would you like for Christmas?” The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, and then gasped, “Didn’t you get my E-mail?”
97. Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Avery.
Avery who?
Avery merry Christmas!
98. Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Donut.
Donut who?
Donut open until Christmas!
99. Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Rabbit.
Rabbit who?
Rabbit up carefully, it’s a present!
100. Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Centipede.
Centipede who?
Centipede on the Christmas tree.
101. Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wayne.
Wayne who?
Wayne in a manger…!
102. Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Oakham.
Oakham who?
Oakham all ye faithfull…!
103. Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Holly.
Holly who?
Holly-days are here again!
104. Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Rudolph.
Rudolph who?
Money is the Rudolph of all evil!
105. Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Igloo
Igloo who?
Igloo Suzie like I knew Suzie!
106. Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Mary
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!
107. What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
108. Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
109. What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell.
110. If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
111. If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
112. How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
113. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
Owlgebra.
114. How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
115. What is a mountain’s favorite type of candy?
A snow cap.
116. What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A snow-fake!
117. What do you call an old snowman?
Water!
118. What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
119. What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
120. How does a Snowman get to work?
By icicle.
121. Knock Knock!
Who’s There?
Snow!
Snow who?
Snow laughing matter.
122. Twelve Days of Fast Food Joke.
On the first day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
A Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the second day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Two Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the third day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the fourth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the fifth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the sixth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Six chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the seventh day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Seven pints of cole slaw, Six chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the eighth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Eight bowls of chili, Seven pints of cole slaw, Six chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the ninth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Nine polish hot dogs, Eight bowls of chili, Seven pints of cole slaw, Six chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the tenth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Ten baked potatoes, Nine polish hot dogs, Eight bowls of chili, Seven pints of cole slaw, Six chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Eleven pounds of blubber, Ten baked potatoes, Nine polish hot dogs, Eight bowls of chili, Seven pints of cole slaw, Six chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Twelve bags of Pepto, Eleven pounds of blubber, Ten baked potatoes, Nine polish hot dogs, Eight bowls of chili, Seven pints of cole slaw, Six chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with Cheese.
[ Read: Christmas Tree Crafts For Your Kids ]
123.
Getting a job in the Arctic in the winter is great! Why?
When the days get short, you only have to work a 30 minute work week.
124. Why do seals swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
125. Where can you find an ocean without any water?
On a map!
126. What vegetable was forbidden on the ships of Arctic explorers?
Leeks!
127. Why didn’t the tourist in the Arctic get any sleep?
He plugged his electric blanket into the toaster by mistake and kept popping out of bed all night!
128. Why was the Saami herder given an umbrella?
Because of the rain, dear.
129. What did the walrus say when it was late?
“I would have been here sooner, but my iceberg hit a ship,”
130. When are your eyes not eyes?
When the cold Arctic wind makes them water!
131. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus.
132. What do you call an elf who sings?
A wrapper!
133. Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?
Because the present is beneath them.
134. What do you call a broke Santa? Give up yet?
It’s Saint-NICKEL-LESS.
135. What does one ho plus two ho make?
A jolly Santa.
136. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.
137. What do you call a can wearing a Christmas hat?
A Merry Can (American)
138. How many reindeer does it take to change a lightbulb? Eight!
One to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down!
139. What doesn’t Mr. Krabs celebrate Christmas?
Cause he’s “Shell-Fish.”
140. What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want. He can’t hear you.
141. What do you call a dog who works for Santa?
Santa Paws.
142. What do Santa’s elves drive?
Minivans.
143. What do Santa’s elves drink?
Minnesoda.
144. What type of cars do elves drive?
Toy-otas.
145. Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
It needed to be trimmed.
146. What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?
Santa paws!!!
147. What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?
Ice cream.
148. Why don’t aliens celebrate Christmas?
Because they don’t want to give away their presents.
149. Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?
Because he is so cool!
150. There is a special place in hell for people that play Christmas music before Thanksgiving.
[ Read: Top 25 Christmas Songs & Poems For Kids ]
151.
The awkward moment when Santa Claus has the same wrapping paper as your parents.
152. It was so cold that roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
153. It was so cold that the optician was giving away ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses!
154. It was so cold that kids were using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
155. It was so cold that my Dad was wearing golfing gloves on both hands!
156. What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift wrapper?
Ribbon hood.
157. Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter!
158. There was once a great czar in Russia named Rudolph the Red. He stood looking out the windows of his palace one day while his wife, the Czarina Katerina, sat nearby knitting.
He turned to her and said, “Look, my dear, it has begun to rain!” Without even looking up from her knitting she replied, “It’s too cold to rain. It must be sleeting.”
The Czar shook his head and said, “I am the Czar of all the Russians, and Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!”
159. T’was the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care.
They’d been worn all week and needed the air.
160. Did you know that according to the song, “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”, Santa has twelve reindeer?
Sure, in the introduction it goes “There’re Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen…” That makes eight reindeer.
Then there’s Rudolph, of course, so that makes nine.
Then there’s Olive. You know, “Olive the other reindeer used to laugh…” That makes ten.
The eleventh is Howe. You know, “Then Howe the reindeer loved him…” Eleven reindeer.
Oh, and number 12? That’s Andy! “Andy shouted out with glee.” The proof is in the song!
As you can see, these Kids’ Christmas jokes are clean and will give your kids and your family, some wonderful laughs. Do you have any more Christmas kids jokes to share? Please leave us a comment here.
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