20 Important Tips To Know Before Dating An introvert
Knowing these valuable tips can help nurture your relationship with an introverted partner
Monk Sadhvi Nishtha Om is a practicing psychologist and psychotherapist in India with ten years of experience. She has worked with children, adolescents and adults using tools such as Therapeutic Meditation, Inner Child Healing, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Emotional Empowerment Technique (EET) in a career spanning more than a decade.
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As the saying goes, opposites attract; it may not be surprising to see an extrovert fall head over heels in love with an introvert. However, dating an introvert might have certain intricacies, which you need to understand. If you are an extrovert dating an introvert, you may relate to this feeling. Nevertheless, when you plan and accomplish the right things, you may notice that your partner starts to love you more than you thought.
It is vital to understand your introverted love interest before trying to please and attract them. They may usually prefer minimal social interactions or avoid stepping out often; instead, they love spiraling in a cozy blanket with their favorite book and coffee. Remember, the preferences may not be the same in all, and you need to spend some time with your partner to comprehend and strike a balance with them.
This post discusses the top tips that could help a great deal in dating an introvert and building a strong relationship.
Tips To Date An Introvert
Whether you are an extrovert, ambivert, or an introvert yourself, there are bound to be differences between you and another introvert person you like. The following tips can help you create a beautiful and balanced relationship.
1. Be supportive
An introvert is differently wired. If you are an extrovert or an ambivert, you might feel the urge to go out and meet people. Introverts, on the other hand, often need peace, quiet, and some alone time to “recharge.” You need to understand that your partner might not want to go out and mingle with people. Even if they do socialize to please you, return the favor by giving them space and some quiet time to restore their nature.
Be supportive of their choices. Do not force them to socialize more than they wish. And, if they want to get away from a crowd, let them go and take a breath of fresh air in solitude.
2. Know where to take them out
You need to think about a place where your crush would like to be. They would not like it if you take them to discos and crowded pubs with a group of friends. That said, not all introverts prefer to be inside. You can take them to a café or an art museum where you can start a friendly conversation, but do not press the advantage by forcing them to talk if they seem uncomfortable.
3. Don’t judge them
Once you have taken the first step and managed to secure a date with your introvert crush, you might expect things to move easily. But with an introvert, things might take a while to fall in place. By nature, they are quieter, and their hobbies might be different from those of an extrovert.
It takes time for them to open up. Have patience and let them come out of their shell on their own accord. Most importantly, do not judge their behavior after a couple of dates. Give it some time and see them bloom.
4. Give them space
Introverts often need space when they are in a relationship. It does not mean they do not like you or never want to see you again. Giving them space means leaving them to their own devices and not disturbing them until they reach out to you themselves.
However, if you are not clear about their needs, talk with them. Clear and open communication is the key to any successful relationship, and when you have an introvert partner, it takes time to develop trust.
5. Learn what they love
As an introvert, your partner would have different preferences. Also, no two introverts are the same. While some may like sleeping, others may want to binge-watch TV shows, and some prefer reading. What does your partner prefer?
Learn what makes them tick and give them meaningful gifts. Sometimes, the best gift could be giving them time to relax and recharge. Do not expect them to be happy with the same things that excite you, and do not treat them the way you wish to be treated. Treat them their way and see them return the favor in full force.
6. Highlight your partner’s strengths
Every person has strong points. But introverts usually do not exhibit them as extroverts do. If you are an extrovert with a large group of friends, you can help your partner by pointing out their strengths to others. If you are an introvert yourself, you can describe your partner in glowing words to your close friends so that they know how lucky you are.
Keep in mind that you should highlight your differences as strengths. If your partner prefers solitude to crowds, you can praise their ability to be alone without becoming lonely. It is you who has to recognize their strengths and let them be comfortable in their skin.
7. Plan low-key dates
Extravagance and introverts do not go hand-in-hand. If you are planning to surprise your partner with a romantic candle-light dinner date, keep in mind that it needs to be as low-key as possible. Introverts often like simple things in life. A nature hike or even a simple cup of coffee would be enough for them to understand that you love and care for them.
You can also plan some activity that doesn’t involve going out and mingling with others. Plan an afternoon to bake cookies or craft together to make it the perfect date.
8. Ask them questions
If you are an extrovert, you would likely be doing most of the talking. Introverts are good listeners, and they talk less. But if you want your introvert partner to open up, you must veer away from your regular topics and ask them open-ended questions. You could even ask deep questions about the universe, God, the world, or any other subject that you know piques their curiosity and listen to what they have to say. Usually, introverts have a lot of thoughts that they do not express. These questions might help them open up to you and, in turn, open up a whole new world for the two of you.
9. Weigh your words
Introverts give a lot of weightage to words. Though this does not mean you have to walk on eggshells around them, you need to be mindful before saying something. Most introverts have a good memory, so if you say something wrong or hurtful, there is a chance that they would remember it for a long time even if you have forgotten about it.
Remember, with introverts, it is quality over quantity when it comes to words.
10. Open up
An introvert finds it difficult to open up to others. On the other hand, they like it when people open up to them. If you want to take your relationship with your introvert partner a long way, you need to lower your inhibitions and bare your soul to them.
Tell them about your dreams, hopes, fears, and failures. In no time, you would see your partner warming up to you. They will appreciate your frankness and might reciprocate your feelings, too.
11. Make concessions
When your partner is an introvert, you should be ready to make some concessions. Though the rule holds for all relationships, introverts need a bit more care to ensure that they are not drained out.
If your partner insists on not coming to a party or if they want to leave early from a gathering, do not take it personally. Introverts like to be alone, and if they feel overwhelmed, they will leave the place rather than indulge in unwanted pleasantries. Make a few concessions, and if you have an observant introvert partner, they will pay your kindness back.
12. Plan short dates
The simple and low-key dates you plan should also be as short as possible. Do not make the mistake of planning a long evening with multiple activities. It is most likely that your introvert date would lose interest in the proceedings and feel drained.
Instead, you can plan a series of activities and give your date a chance to pick one. Plan an open-ended evening with multiple possibilities so that neither of you is disappointed with the outcome. For example, book a table at a fancy restaurant and give them the option of going dancing later. Book a play and give them the option of coffee later, a painting class, and perhaps drinks later. The possibilities are many, and this way, they will be able to leave whenever they wish to without feeling guilty.
13. Spend time with each other
Though introverts like spending time in solitude, they also love spending time with people they like. They share a lot with their loved ones, so they often bottle up their feelings if you are not with them.
As with any relationship, you must be mindful of spending quality time with your introvert partner. If you are an extrovert, you might have various engagements, keeping you busy for the better part of the day. However, remember to go home and spend time with your partner so that they feel loved and cherished.
14. Don’t mistake their silence for sulkiness
Most extroverts don’t like silence. They want some kind of noise around them to feel alive, and it isn’t the case with your introvert partner. On the other side, most introverts relish sitting in a quiet place for hours. They can spend hours without talking to anybody. It does not mean that they are sulking or angry with you over something. They are just wired this way.
They often need time to think over things. Do not be intimidated by their silence. Instead, praise them. When they are ready, they will come to you by themselves.
15. Have a mutual word or phrase
In the initial stages of a relationship with an introvert, make sure you have a word or phrase they can use when they want to get out of any situation. When at public events or among friends, your partner might feel overwhelmed or drained and might want to leave. When they use the word or phrase, rather than forcing them to stay, oblige and go with them.
After some years of being together or even a few months, you will not need a safe word. Most couples in long-term relationships learn to recognize their partner’s body language and pick up the signs.
16. Be ready for their directness
Most introverts do not like small talk and beating around the bush. They value their words and are known for straightforwardly stating the facts. This directness is often mistaken as rudeness. However, most introverts are not rude. They do not want to make a big issue of things and prefer saying it directly to your face. If you have an introverted partner who states what they think directly, consider yourself one of the luckiest people in the world.
17. Be sensitive
Introverts are usually deep thinkers. As they avoid company, their thoughts are often shared only with their closest ones. Do not dismiss their feelings or call them overthinkers when they talk to you.
They require effort to open up to you, so you need to be sensitive and listen to whatever they want to tell you, even if you think it is not important. Understand their emotions and feelings. Being sensitive and lending ears would bring your partner closer to you.
18. Don’t expect instant bonding with friends and family
If you have been dating an introvert for a while, it is natural that you want to introduce them to your friends and family. However, what is normal for you could be a big step for an introvert.
Discuss the meeting beforehand and introduce your partner to your friends and family in small groups. Even so, do not expect them to start bonding with them immediately. Introverts need some time to come out of their shell and mingle with people. Until then, they might seem distant to your close ones.
19. Let them care for you
Most introverts are nurturers at heart. They might not accompany you to your big game, but if you lose, they will be the first to comfort you. You can share your failures openly with them without any fear of judgment. If your introvert partner is the caring type, let them help build you up again. They will love the process, and your bonding will be stronger than ever.
20. Have rational discussions
Introverts do not like confrontation, and they try to stay away from any tussle that might require them to speak their feelings out. Especially if they are angry, they might retreat into a shell and go without speaking for days.
It could be misinterpreted by many as not caring. However, introverts care just as much as you do, and maybe more. They simply do not express their anger like you. If you have a disagreement with your introvert partner, the best course is to hold a rational discussion. It often yields results, and everyone is happy. If you yell, your partner is not likely to respond the way you want. Instead, you would just push them back into their shell.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Is it hard to date an introvert?
It is not particularly difficult to date an introvert but may require some patience initially. Once an introvert is comfortable spending time with you, they are much like any other person. They may not seem excited about parties and adventures together as seen with extroverts. Quiet places and close people may be preferable to introverts, which can be a good idea, especially if you are at the early stages of your relationship when you need more time to understand each other.
2. What does an introvert need in a relationship?
Introverts take things at their own pace and gradually open up about themselves. They need their partners to be patient and understanding and wait for them to reach a comfortable stage in a relationship. They wish to spend quality time with their partners by spending quiet time together and not just by attending lavish gatherings. It is not that introverts cannot socialize, but they cannot indulge too much or for too long and need to recharge peacefully.
3. How do introverts show affection?
Introverts may not be best at expressing their feelings and emotions, but they are known to treasure their relationships. They may want you to be with them, even if they are doing nothing and make you a part of their lives. You will be the first to know about any important event in their lives, and they will also show you their vulnerable side. They will eventually lose their filter and show their romantic side.
Introverts stay reserved and don’t express themselves readily. Since they prefer talking less, communicating with them can get a little difficult. These distinctive characteristics might make dating an introvert somewhat tricky. But remember, every individual is different, and so are their preferences and behaviors. So, understand your partner and support them to nurture your relationship. Maintaining good communication, avoiding judging, and learning what your partner loves can help you date an introvert with relative ease. With time, you will see your connection with them grow stronger.
Key Pointers
- Dating introverts can sometimes become arduous on the emotional front as they are not open about their feelings.
- Giving them space and not judging them for maintaining their distance are a few tips that can help you maintain the relationship.
- Knowing their interests, talking to them, and a few other tips on dating introverts as you scroll through.
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