How To Help Troubled Teens?

As the parent of a troubled teen, you are almost always waging a war at home. It may seem like a constant battle, where you almost end up reaching your wits’ end at the end of the day. But for how long can you continue going on in this tug of war with your teen? And how will you know if the behavior that your teen typically shows is normal, or if it is a cry for help?

If you would like to understand your teen better and be there to help at all times, read on to see what’s normal in a teen’s behavior and when a teen is actually troubled and reaching out for support.

What Are Some Of The Changes You Will Note In Your Teen’s Behavior In The Initial Years?

As your child moves from pre-teen years to the teen years, there are bound to be some changes that will happen in terms of behavior and personality. Here are some of the most common changes you can expect to see in your teen:

• Your teen will suddenly want to go out as per their own convenience and wish, without paying much regard to home curfew rules or earlier time limitations.

• Your teen will stop sharing more and more things with you and will become more secretive and quiet. You may even try asking your teen about certain things but your teen may not give you a clear answer or try to evade answering your questions altogether.

• Another thing that you will notice as your teen starts showing more of a typical teen behaviors is the sudden need for privacy. Your teen may have earlier had no inclination towards concepts such as privacy, but it will suddenly become a very important part and even need of your teen’s life.

• You will notice that your teen will be more and more interested towards their appearance and spend a lot of time and effort on what they wear and how they look.

[ Read: Tips To Deal With Teenagers ]

Difference Between Regular Teen And Troubled Teen Behavior

It is true that even the regular behavior that teens display can sometimes be taken to be rebellious and troubled, but there are marked differences nonetheless. While a regular teen will want to do things on their own and explore their individuality, a troubled teen will consciously and constantly want to try and break all norms and rules. Here are a few signs and symptoms of teen behavior that will tell you if your teen is turning into a troubled teen:

1. Start Skipping Classes: Even though your teen may go out and tell you they are going to class, they may actually be bunking classes all the time. Your teen may be missing classes, sometimes missing half of a school day or entirely giving up on classes. In some cases, your teen will not even be bothered to make an attempt of lying to you and will simply refuse to go to school.

2. Poor Performance In Class: Your teen’s academic performance will start to deteriorate and they will not be bothered about what they do and how they are faring in their studies. Your teen may suddenly start coming home with lower grades than earlier or even flunk a few subjects, even though they were always good in studies.

3. Will Consistently Start Missing Time Curfews: If you had earlier set any time limits on your teen and if they were following them till now, be prepared for a rude shock. Your teen may suddenly decide to do away with all types of curfews and time limitations and may come and go from home as they please. In some cases, your teen may tell you they will be back by a certain time and may blatantly miss it easily each time. Sometimes, your teen may also not come back home for the entire time, with or without informing you. If your teen is going through an especially troubled phase, there are chances that they may even try to run away from home. It could either be that they find your rules and regulations as being very oppressive and want to escape from the same, or just want to run away from home for the thrill of it and to see what happens when they do so.

4. Sudden Change In Attitude And Behavior: Your teen may have the perfect example of the polite and obedient child till now, but suddenly, as the teen years hit your child, you may notice an entirely new side of your teen’s personality. Your teen can suddenly turn aggressive and rude towards you as well as other family members. Not just at home, but your teen may also start showing a negative and aggressive behavior towards friends, teachers and others in their daily social circle.

[ Read: How To Deal With Teenage Attitude ]

5. Getting Addicted: The teen years are the years when most people first get into addictions. If your teen is going through a troubled phase, you may notice signs of addiction in your teen. You may notice smell of tobacco or alcohol breath on your teen, or you may even notice the smell on your teen’s clothes or in their room.

6. Mixing With The Wrong Crowd: Peer pressure can often make your teen do things that they would otherwise not have done. If your teen is going out with the wrong crowd, you will suddenly notice that you do not see your teen’s old friends any longer, and your teen is not very interested or forthcoming to introduce you to their new friends. Even if you do bump into your teen along with their friends, they may feel awkward and try their best to make sure that you cannot interact with them. Also, such groups may be the ones that you have heard a negative reputation about, who are known to stay out late and indulge in risky behavior. In some cases, your teen may also be mingling with people who are older in age.

7. Get Involved In Unprotected Or Reckless Sexual Activity: It is possible that if your teen is going through a troubled phase, they will show out their anger and frustration by deliberately indulging in unprotected sex or going ahead and indulging in sexual activity that is reckless and not safe. You may end up catching your teen in the act or may come to find out about it, but the truth is that your teen could well be involved with multiple partners, and even if they are currently with only one, it could very well not be in the safest way. In some cases, teens who go through a troubled phase are often also the ones who either end up being abused in a sexual relationship or become the abuser.

8. Become A Social Recluse: Your troubled teenagers may suddenly not want to be part of any family or social gathering, even if these were the same events that they were earlier very interested to be a part of. Your teen will try everything to avoid such gatherings and meetups and it can be a task for you to even get your teen to speak to others, unless they are your teen’s friends.

[ Read: Ways To Handle Out Of Control Teens ]

How To Help A Troubled Teenager?

It is important that you spot the signs of trouble in your teen early so that you can start helping them as soon as you can. As a parent, you will have to be extremely calm and patient with your teen, yet firm at the same time. Here are a few ways that you can offer free help for troubled teens while going through the difficult phase:

1. Understand The Changes Your Teen Is Going Through:

The first step for you is to understand just how much change has happened from the earlier normal behavior to the so-called troubled behavior that your teen is now showing. You will have to take into account your teen’s emotional, mental, social as well as physical responses to understand the entire change in thought process. Also, make note of any specific dates or events that triggered an especially difficult behavior issue.

2. Make A Plan:

Once you know what all areas you have to work on with your teen, you have to then form a plan that will effectively target all those behavior issues. Make sure that you take into account various factors such as your teen’s temperament, the general atmosphere at home, your teen’s earlier behavior and so on and so forth before you make a full on plan. You can make various plans that involve taking your teen to a counseling session, involving the entire family in counseling, going for a camp that works with troubled teens and so on. Make sure you have lots of backup plans, because not all plans may work through when it involves your teen. Also, form a “what will happen if” kind of plan, so that you know that if your teen does not do something, how you can go about setting the plan back in action.

[ Read: Teenage Behavioral Problems ]

3. Put The Plan In Place:

Once you have evaluated and prepared the plan, it is time to get it into action. You have to make sure that you tell your teen all about your plan from the start and do not suddenly spring it as a surprise. Your teen may still be willing to sit down and listen to you when you discuss, but if you take them to a counselling session without first telling them about it, it could lead to a lot of negative behavior and anger. Give your teen the option of going ahead with your plan and benefitting in the same way themselves too. Tell them that once they follow the family setup, you as a parent will also be prepared to give them certain privileges.

4. Be Prepared To Try It Out Many Times:

Be ready with the fact that trying to help your troubled teen may not be such a smooth and positive experience, and you will have to keep on trying to make sure that you are able to reach a point where you both will agree. Your teen may be completely refuse to comply, but you have to stick to your plan and find out ways to make them agree. See what works for them and try to bring those things as rewards in the plan.

[ Read: Boot Camp For Troubled Teens ]

Your teen may be going through a troubled phase, but remember it is just a phase and shall pass if you offer the right amount of love and support at the right time. Be there for your teen and always reassure them that you love them no matter what.

How do you deal with the many tantrums of your teens? Do share your expert tips and tricks with other moms too.

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