8 Ways To Rekindle Your Marriage
Dr. Dorothee Ischler is a clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist with over three decades of experience. She is a seasoned professional in mental health and relationship coaching, and her comprehensive understanding of individual, relational, and family dynamics fuels her commitment to fostering lasting bonds.
Read full bio of Dr. Dorothee Ischler
Shivani Chandel is a postgraduate in English literature from Panjab University, Chandigarh and a certified relationship coach. She has four years of experience in copy editing and writing about entertainment, health, lifestyle, and beauty.
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subhrojyoti mukherjee Subhrojyoti is an associate editor at StyleCraze with four years of experience. He has a master’s degree in English from Presidency University, Kolkata, and has also done a post-graduate certificate course in Editing and Publishing from Jadavpur University, Kolkata.
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sneha tete Sneha has a master's degree in Applied Linguistics from the University of Hyderabad, a professional Relationship Coach diploma, and over four years of experience in writing. She writes about relationships and lifestyle.Sneha began her career as an instructional designer, shifted to freelance technical and research writing, and self-published a novella on the theme of adolescent mental health.
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In This Article
It is believed that marriages are made in heaven, but love has to begin on earth. There are several ways to rekindle a marriage if it loses its spark. Emotional and financial ripple might be a reason behind it.
However, it can be intimidating for the couple who wants to continue their relationship regardless of the glitches. In some cases, it is even difficult to remember that marriage is a promise to treat the partner as an esteemed soulmate for life.
Everyone begins their married life with the dream of happily ever after and lots of hopes, expectations, and excitement. But down the line, the companionship starts fading away, and the gleam might also be lost.
Therefore, to keep your married life youthful and flourishing with love, it is important to support, pamper and embrace each other throughout the journey. Read this article to know how to revive and kick-start the love in your marriage.
Signs That You Need To Rekindle The Romance In Your Marriage
The excitement you felt during the courtship and honeymoon phase can vanish if you stop caring and being mindful of your partner. As the relationship gets old, all the excitement might turn into ashes. The luster of those intimate honeymoon days may seem to you like a mere dream.
If this sounds like your relationship, the time has come to rekindle your marriage. Here are some red flags to watch out for:
1. Emotional Withdrawal
An unhappy marriage can potentially lead to emotional and psychological stress, more so when your partner emotionally withdraws by dissociating and avoiding meaningful conversations. A simple one-minute romantic talk can reignite the soulful passion you had for your partner. But emotional withdrawal can lead to dissatisfaction and reduced self-esteem, subsequently making you feel anxious and depressed.
Emotional withdrawal gnaws away at the bond between you two, making emotional defenses appear out of nowhere. So, none of you feels interested or motivated to fulfill the needs of the other. Emotional withdrawal can turn you into two people who are merely living together.
Being emotionally withdrawn from a relationship can be contagious. Once one partner disconnects emotionally, the other one follows suit. As a result, thoughtfulness turns into thoughtlessness for each other.
Emotional withdrawal is a clear sign that times of discussions, negotiations, and even arguments are long gone – the only thing left is the silent treatment. Silent treatment and lack of communication can kill a marriage faster than anything else.
2. Stonewalling
If you or your partner tend to ignore conflict and avoid anger to cope silently, this act of retreating is called stonewalling. It means being evasive or delaying, hindering, or avoiding answering the questions asked by your partner. Chronic stonewalling, also known as defensive cold-shouldering, can damage your relationship.
Stonewalling involves the stonewaller staying quiet and not responding when asked any questions. The stonewalling partner may pretend like they can’t hear what’s being told. A lack of communication isolates you from your partner.
Stonewalling can be an act of manipulation and dominance. Communication between a couple should be easy, smooth, and safe.
3. Financial Distribution Conflicts
Management and distribution of money and finances among couples can cause conflicts. Arguments about questions such as how to spend, save, and allocate the finances can potentially be an early sign of the underlying fragile relationship issues.
Such financial conflicts can eventually lead to a feeling of insecurity, stress, and possibly divorce. Sorting out the financial issues in the family is the best way to save the relationship and rekindle the spark in your marriage.
A study surveyed 1116 households in the Netherlands to identify the financial management trends between the couples. About 50% of the population had a joint bank account but no separate accounts, 37.8% reported having both joint and separate accounts, and 10.4% had neither of the two accounts. Additionally, 78% of households reported making financial decisions together.
4. You Dream About A Life Beyond Your Partner
Do you feel stuck in a web of unhappiness with your partner? Do you imagine a future without your partner to feel happy? If that is the case with you, it’s pretty obvious things aren’t working right for the two of you.
If you want to rekindle the love in your marriage, you need to look for happiness with your partner. Emotional detachment won’t bring the two of you together. Instead, it will only set you apart. If this is happening with you, try to identify the things you can work upon in your relationship.
5. Gridlocking And Non-Cooperation
Do you argue or fight with your partner frequently? Do you two discuss the confusion-causing misunderstanding or simply gridlock yourselves with no intention of listening? Such a situation where you two are not interested in listening to each other’s perspectives is unhealthy for your relationship.
Though this does not mean that all love is now lost, it might just be buried beneath the forces of doubt, ego, and confusion. You may just have lost the key to access the feeling of love due to such unresolved conflicts. This is when rejuvenating the emotional connection becomes necessary.
Dr. Dorothee Ischler, Clinical Psychologist, says, “Research by John Gottman posits that gridlock is very common among couples. It’s not a problem if a couple can talk about and agree to disagree. Conversely, it’s a problem when a couple cannot talk about their gridlock and feels more alienated each time they bring it up.”
These are some of the possible culprits that could be behind why you are unable to rekindle love in your marriage. Luckily, you can make your marriage work by reigniting the lost passion in your relationship. Let us find out how below.
8 Ways To Rekindle Love In A Marriage
If you believe your partner is worthy of love, honor, and respect, you may be inclined to rekindle the passion in your marriage. Here are 7 ways you can ensure a romantic and long-lasting relationship with your partner:
1. Reinvigorate The Emotional Connection
The emotional bond plays a big role in rekindling a marriage. You need to make your partner feel cared for and special. It is a great way to once again spark the emotional bond and bury those meaningless hatchets.
You need not make grand gestures to show your partner you care. Small, thoughtful gestures go a long way toward cementing the bond of love. Here are some ideas to bring you and your spouse closer and rekindle the passion in your marriage:
- Give your spouse love notes filled with positive affirmations.
- A gentle massage on the shoulders to reduce their stress after a day’s tiring work can go a long way in rebuilding the emotional connection.
- Writing a small but thoughtful note for your spouse and placing it in their wallet or purse can give a love-reminiscing smile to their lips.
- Take out some time every evening to ask about their day or watch a TV show together.
2. Build A Bond Of Friendship With Your Partner
Being your partner’s best friend is the best way to rekindle your marriage. Celebrating the joyous times together deepens the relationship even more. Applaud or give a pat on your partner’s back when they achieve a milestone at work. Go out on fun dates and joke around with each other. Friendliness with your love will keep boredom away.
Working on your friendship can remind you of the reasons for your commitment in the first place. The dwindling praise and gratitude between partners can re-emerge stronger once they start seeing each other as friends again.
Pro Tip3. Realize A Marriage Is Beyond Love
Often, the most overlooked aspect in a troubled relationship is talking to one another with respect and kindness. To keep the spark alive in a marriage, you also need to make a continuous effort to communicate with and listen to your partner.
Allocate time every day to catch up with your partner. Initiating thoughtful and productive communication is vital to rekindling the romance in your marriage when you’ve recently had a shift or a rise in responsibilities (e.g., loss of job, relocation, giving birth, etc.).
Avoid talking to your spouse solely to hurt, control, or dominate them – be empathetic to stimulate emotional kindling. Consider speaking to each other more gently and calmly.
4. Revitalize Fondness And Admiration
Fondness and admiration for your better half get replaced with anger when your relationship is in trouble. In such a situation, developing in-depth positive feelings is required to save your relationship. It is better to focus on the positive qualities of your partner instead of ranting about their shortcomings. Listen to understand, and speak to be heard.
Presenting yourself to your partner in your true natural form is one of the many ways to rekindle your marriage. By being your true self, you will find it easier to develop fondness, and subsequently, admiration for each other. But remember that this is a two-way street and your partner needs to put in equal effort toward appreciating you as well.
Quick Tip5. Eliminate Lovelessness By Rethinking Sexual Intimacy
Sexual intimacy is a central factor of marriage. A sexless relationship might frustrate both or either one of you in the long run. Physical affection in the form of kissing, cuddling, and hugging should be an active part of your daily interactions.
Oxytocin, the love hormone, is released during lovemaking. Physical touch, hugs, and cuddling are also important for bonding. So if they are missing in your relationship, address the situation thoughtfully. You can double or triple the amount of hand-holding, hugging, and kissing your partner to reignite your emotional and physical bond.
6. Shun The “I” And Embrace The “Us” In Your Relationship
Marriage is a two-way street. Sacrifice and respect are imperative to rekindle love in marriage. There’s simply no space for selfishness. Reduce the use of “I” in your conversations and replace it with “us.”
Don’t attack, blame, or look for faults to point at your partner, as this could spoil your bond. Instead of pointing fingers at your partner as the sole perpetrator for your marriage going downhill, analyze the roles that both of you played in it.
Be open-minded and listen to your partner’s take. This will make it possible to engage with them emotionally. Be open and communicate freely with the love of your life. Communication ignites the love in your marriage.
7. Don’t Let Silence Take Over
Silence in a relationship helps at times, but not always. Communication is the key to rekindling a marriage. Even a small conversation can solve years of confusion and misunderstanding. Talking can save your relationship.
Apart from merely asking for an update on the kids, make it a point to talk about the two of you when it’s dinner time on the table or while in bed. It’s advised to look into your partner’s eyes when this conversation is taking place. The idea is to make your spouse feel cared for, understood, and worthy of your attention.
8. Reminisce Special Memories
Reminiscing the memories you have shared with your partner may help rekindle the lost romance. The beginning of a relationship is marked by strong feelings of infatuation, desire, and attraction. You both wanted to learn everything about each other and would go out on dates to spend time together. You learnt about each other’s likes and dislikes, made hilarious and sweet memories, and wanted to be around each other. Take a walk down memory lane and revisit the places that hold a special place in your relationship like where you met and got engaged and married. As you walk through those old places, you may remember what it felt like to be newly in love, and it may reignite your passion for each other. Look through old photos of your dates, wedding, honeymoon, and vacations to remember what made you fall in love with your partner.
Pauline Trimmer, a healer and a YouTuber, discusses her experience of how she lost all attraction towards her partner and still got married and now is happily married. She further states, “I got attracted to my now husband more and more and more because I could embrace that safety and that stability and that warmth and that intimacy and the vulnerability that comes with it, and from that comes lifelong passion, which is awesome (i).”
The monotony of daily life can often lead to a lack of passion and intimacy in marriage. The partners are emotionally withdrawn from each other, and financial issues create a rift between them. But fret not. The ways mentioned above to rekindle your marriage can help you get that initial spark back. For instance, you should focus on rebuilding the intimacy and bond of friendship with your partner and freely express your admiration. Finally, be respectful towards each other to help take things back to a better stage.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can a separation save a marriage?
Many couples discover that they begin to respect their partner more and learn to appreciate the other person during a separation. While this may not be true for all couples, some may even grow apart during separation. You should consult a therapist and make a mutual decision.
Can lost feelings come back?
Every relationship can go through different phases. If you have lost feelings right now, it doesn’t mean that you can’t get them back. However, it usually takes some time and effort.
Key Takeaways
- It is common for that initial excitement and chemistry to fade when you have been married for a while, but you can rekindle your love.
- If you have been engaging in emotional withdrawal, stonewalling, or financial conflicts, it is time to reignite the spark between you two.
- Reinvigorating your emotional connection and developing a bond of friendship are some ways to rekindle a marriage.
A broken or cold marriage is a hard place to be. Reignite marital warmth with a few essential tips and some relationship advice in the given video. Watch it now to rekindle the flames and foster lasting love in your relationship.
Personal Experience Source
(i) Rekindling Attraction: Overcoming Repulsion & Finding Happiness With Your Partner
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ucmc5VPXMzE
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Read full bio of Dr. Dorothee Ischler
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