I Miss My Ex’: 10 Reasons And Ways To Stop Missing Them
Knowing why you miss your ex is the first step to getting over them.
Specialty: Psychotherapy Experience: 8 yearsNatalie Jay is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in San Diego County with a specialty in depression, anxiety, trauma, couple therapy, and addiction. She has a bachelor's degree in Psychological & Brain Sciences from Washington University in St. Louis and a master’s degree in Clinical Social Work from San Diego State University.
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In This Article
A breakup can send you on an emotional roller coaster. It can send you into a state of depression, cause fury and irritation, and make you feel empty and lonely. And your heart may say, “I miss my ex”?
Love does not fade easily, and memories persist even after a relationship ends. You may feel enraged, have broken dreams, and be harmed by what they did. To break free from the past and quit missing your ex, you must first determine what you miss the most about them and later focus on your emotions.
Why You Might Be Missing Your Ex?
Breakups can be heart-wrenching. It is normal to miss your ex. Your ex was your best friend, soulmate, confidante, and now you feel empty without that person with whom you were ready to share everything. You grieve and wish you were still together.
You have been an integral part of each other’s lives, and suddenly they are not with you, leaving a void in your life. To deal with the situation, you need to understand whether it is the person you are missing or the companionship. Here are some reasons why you might be missing your ex.
1. Families involved
If it was a long-term relationship or a broken marriage involving children, you have to be in touch because of the family. In most cases, the conversations would be cordial, devoid of fights and misunderstandings. It might make you retrospect if breaking up was a bad idea. You may reminisce about the good times and miss them even more.
2. Reminiscence of the good times
You can’t just forget all the good aspects of a relationship. Even when things have ended, you feel lonely and pine for that companionship. You may even make you want to get back together. A feeling of love does not die overnight.
3. Still in love
Sometimes, relationships don’t end mutually. One partner decides to cut off ties, and the other one has no choice but to end it. If you are the other and still in love with your ex, it is normal to miss them and hope for a reconciliation.
4. Dreams and expectations
Expectations often lead to disappointments. When in a relationship, a couple often plans and dreams of doing things together. You make plans for a house, career, and children. When the relationship ends, you are left with questioning those promises and dreams. You begin to miss your ex even more because you can’t seem to see the path ahead without them.
5. Unhealthy relationships
Some people who have been in toxic and unhealthy relationships tend to miss their exes. An abusive relationship can leave a person broken. It can damage their self-confidence and lower their self-esteem. They begin to believe they are not worthy of anyone or any love. The feeling of inadequacy to the rest of the world makes them want to return to their relationship, even though it was toxic.
6. Rebound affairs
Once a person gets back in the dating game, they realize they don’t always gel with everyone the way they did with their ex. A rebound affair can set you comparing and viewing your ex with a clearer perspective, which will make you miss them more.
7. Plus one
Your partner was always your company or date for any social events. Whether for family dinners, weddings, dinner dates, or a movie, they were your favorite person to tag along with as your plus-one. You miss the companionship and your partner-in-crime.
8. Feeding triggers
After a breakup, if you are still stuck in the same place as far as your feelings are concerned, you will tend to stalk them on social media. Obsessing over your ex’s posts can trigger severe pangs of sadness and make you want to be there with them.
9. Uninspired
The person you loved inspired you to do things better and improve yourself. They gave you a zest for life that is gone now, and you are not inspired by anything anymore. You miss the better side of yourself by missing what they brought to the table for you.
10. Miss feeling loved
The feeling of being loved is always exciting and happy. It brought a smile to your face every morning and gave you a reason to face the day. It got a spring to your feet, and you found joy in everything you both did. You feel sad now and miss the feeling of being loved, cared for and pampered.
How To Stop Missing Your Ex?
The first thing you must admit is that there’s no easy way to get over a breakup. It’s a process that requires time, patience, and perseverance. But looking on the brighter side, here are some ways to stop missing your ex.
1. Create a no-contact period
Set yourself a no-contact period. You should not call, text, or meet your ex for some time. Avoid bumping into them, and do not try to find out how they are doing. It will be tough to deal with the urge to talk to them, but you must get over it. The withdrawal symptoms will soon become milder and more tolerable.
2. Get rid of memorabilia
You often hold onto articles that remind you of your ex in an attempt to feel closer or for their emotional values. Old photographs, letters, cards, saved messages, gifts, their old tee-shirt—these mementos will only delay the healing process. Either return or put away things that will remind you of them or of the time you spent together.
3. Avoid the blame game
When breakups occur due to trust issues, cheating, or lying, we tend to justify every action by blaming the ex. You constantly try to figure out what went wrong and whose fault it was, or what could have been done differently. You might blame your ex and create a negative image of them in your mind. Or you may blame yourself and start believing you are unlovable, undesirable, unworthy. All these negative thoughts will only break your self-confidence and bring you down.
4. Write notes
Whenever you feel low and want to talk to your ex, write down your feelings. Writing your thoughts and tearing them up will help you get things off your chest without talking to them.
5. Practice self-discipline
Create a daily routine for yourself to get through the day from one activity to the other. You may be keeping yourself busy but in the wrong way by binge-watching sad movies or binge-eating. These will prevent you from concentrating on your tasks. Sleep on time, eat proper meals and exercise.
6. Start a hobby
Whether it is a sport or something artistic, such as painting, music, or cooking—pick up a hobby you wanted to do forever but never found the time. Concentrating on a new skill will take your mind off your ex and make you feel good about yourself.
7. Indulge in physical activity
Yoga, brisk walks, jogging, running, or dance classes— pick anything that will get the adrenaline flowing. Physical exercise helps release a chemical called endorphin, which reduces the feeling of pain. Endorphins trigger positive feelings in the body, reducing the pangs of missing your ex.
8. Socialize
You would not feel like meeting anyone or doing anything when you are missing someone or have just broken up. But sitting and sulking alone will only make things worse for you. Go out and meet friends and family. Once you are ready, you could even go on a few dates. You can also find online support groups for addiction, depression, codependency, etc.
Make sure you don’t spend all your time talking about your ex or the relationship. Meeting people will keep you distracted and take your mind off your ex, at least for some time. It will also make you realize that your ex was not the only friend you had.
9. Give yourself time
It’s hard, but you will get over it. You will soon have a day without them and find your self-love and faith again. Till then, hang on and give yourself time to heal. Don’t live in denial or feed your depression. The pain will come and go in phases, initially often and then slowly fade. Have patience. Remember, this too shall pass.
10. See a therapist
Sometimes a breakup can take a toll on you, especially if it lasted a long time or you had made plans together. These situations can push you into severe depression and self-devaluation. It is advisable to see a counselor. A good therapist can help you through the process of moving on. In the process, you will likely gain insight about yourself and help you become a healthier person mentally for your future partner.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Does my ex ever think about me?
Your ex thinking about you and the bonding and love you had for one another depends on various factors, including the duration and intensity of your relationship. Also, while some may move on easily after a breakup, it could take time for others to overcome the pain. Trying to contact you, stalking you on social media, and writing apologetic emails and messages are a few signs your ex still misses you and is thinking about you.
2. Why do exes come back when we stop caring?
One reason could be that the value of something increases multifold once we lose it. Also, you might have moved on from the pain of separation while they are unable to come to terms with it. Your ex may be going through a rough patch in life and needs emotional and moral support, which they’re expecting from you. Whatever the reason, make sure you’re mentally and emotionally prepared to accept them, be it as a partner or a friend.
If you ever miss your ex, know that you are not alone. Most people going through a breakup tend to miss their exes after a certain period. It may be due to your countless special moments together, loneliness, or residual feelings for him. However, your breakup happened for a reason, so you should not give in to your feelings. Take note of these tips to get over your ex and prevent yourself from going back to them. Try spending more time with friends and family, and do not hesitate to ask for help when needed.
Key Pointers
- Residual feelings and missing the feeling of being loved are a few reasons you may be missing your ex.
- Practicing self-discipline and socializing with new people can help you move on.
- Seeking professional help can aid in making moving on easier.
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