What Is Platonic Relationship? Traits, Rules And Benefits

Good friendship is treasured for life, platonic relationships are a blessing. If you share a platonic bond with someone, you know how beautiful and pure it is. It is a relationship that is difficult to express, but is felt deep within the heart. Though some people may judge it, you feel a bond that is selfless, eternal, deep, and altruistic. Also, there are no strings attached, you both have your freedom, and as a result, the relationship keeps blossoming. Such is a heart-warming connection with no fixed expectations, nor any romantic or sexual intimacy. Keep reading this post to get deeper insight into the true meaning of a platonic bond and how you can maintain one.

What Is A Platonic Relationship?

The word platonic is rooted in Greek philosopher Plato’s first description of the idea, therefore the name. For him, platonic relationships were based on love, which wasn’t lustful. It flowed like a special emotional and spiritual bond between two people and helped them evolve into better individuals. Platonic bonds get stronger when two people love, admire and commit to each other through a common sharing of interests, values, and worldview. It is love that inspires nobler pursuits and can be applied to every relationship form.

Devoid of any romantic involvement, it does not include physical intimacy, but brings forth a divine gratefulness. However, in today’s context, a platonic relationship has been given a more generalized definition. While retaining its original basis it has come most often to signify a deep and intense relationship between two people, mostly of the opposite sex, minus any romantic or sexual attraction for each other. It has become the proper word for some of the best and longest friendships. Platonic relationships are never ‘friends with benefits.’

Platonic relationships are perhaps the most intensely debated of all relationships. The possibility of heterosexual men and women being ‘just very good friends,’ seemsfar-fetched for many. They believe there is something underlying what they consider to be a superficial platonice friendship: they assume there is a raging desire for romantic and sexual impulses.

Studies have shown that some men and women can be the best of platonic friends and can maintain a good friendship minus any sexual attachments. Platonic relationships are rare, however, and if you are fortunate to be a part of one, cherish it!

Characteristics Of Platonic Relationships

These characteristics that differentiate normal relationships from platonic ones will help you understand their importance and keep the bond strong and thriving.

1. Honesty: Deceit, duplicity, and insidiousness do not find a place in platonic relationships. The two of you have come together to form a friendship based on mutual admiration, beliefs, and love. You share feelings to help each other. There is brutal honesty that offers the individuals deeper insight, third-person views, and unbiased perspectives that you are unlikely to get from others.

2. Unpretentious: Doing away with the façade of pretension gives you the liberty to ask questions that you would otherwise avoid. Platonic friendships allow you to discuss your dating issues, romantic partner troubles or share insecurities without having to worry about how stupid it makes you look. You don’t have to put up appearances to impress someone.

3. Rock-solid: you aren’t putting the other person first. There is a different level of consideration involved. You might at times go out of your way to help your platonic love/friend, but if you cannot, there will not be damage. Platonic relationships can remain rock solid even in the most troubled waters. They have the capability to weather and shield the storms.

4. Boundaries: Platonic relationships do have self-imposed boundaries. They may not have restrictions that are consciously put on each other, but there are imperceptible gut guidelines rooted in deep trust. With time, these boundaries may change or stretch. However, at its heart, boundaries in platonic relationships remain respected by both parties involved.

5. No expectations: Standards do not weigh down platonic relationships. You are likely at times to help your friend against the odds or worry till they tread through a rough patch. But what they do with their day-to-day life is not for you to keep tabs on. And know that there will be times when either of you for a variety of reasons, will need to give the relationship a break and reexamine it.

6. Pure and selfless: Platonic relationships thrive on mutual growth and happiness. Platonic friends approve of things that are ideal for their friend, irrespective of how it affects the friendship/relationship. Take your time and give further thought, there may be a realization at times that what you want may not be the best for them. It also forces you to think about the effect you have on your platonic friend.

7. Support network: The support system that a platonic friend or a group of friends offers can help you sail through the toughest of situations. While romantic partners also will play this role, a platonic friend and/or friend circle are a helpful support system outside of your partner. They provide different perspectives that will help you make your best decisions.

8. Opinion board: Much as we would like to listen to our own ideas, opinions, plans, or decisions, it helps to run them through an evaluation process. They are people who you trust, individuals who will challenge your ideas and plans and help you polish them to arrive at a better solution.

Possible Health Benefits Of Platonic Relationships

Any relationship that offers stability and support and promises a deep connection is bound to add to our good health. Platonic relationships are no exception (1) (2) (3).

1. Accelerates life expectancy: Research carried out by Brigham Young University in Utah, and the University of North Carolina suggest that friendship, including platonic bonds, helps increase life expectancy (4). This is because a healthy social relationship helps individuals live longer, with a lowered risk of heart-related problems. Certain types of cancers are also believed to be prevented by deep social bonds.

2. Boosts immunity: Love and care work as immunity boosters for the human system, reducing the chance of such individuals being affected by common health ailments and other viral infections. In the event of these people catching an infection, their recovery is hastened.

3. Triggers the happiness quotient: Feelings of isolation and depression are lessened when you experience fulfilling and meaningful relationships. This helps raise the happiness quotient.

4. Maintains a healthy heart: Various studies (5) indicate that individuals who enjoy strong, happy relationships, show healthy blood pressure levels and are less likely to have cardiovascular disease, as against those who suffer through stressful and difficult relationships.

5. Reduces anxiety: The feeling of being loved and cared for is known to increase dopamine levels. Research carried out by the MRC Clinical Sciences Centre/Institute of Clinical Sciences (ICS) Faculty of Medicine (6) hints at a similar response in social behavior and interactions. Dopamine levels were found to be increased when the subjects of the study were encouraged to interact socially. Researches say that this activates the brain’s pleasure response, making you happier, thereby reducing anxiety.

6. Handles stress: A wholesome and solid relationship, such as a platonic one, also triggers the release of oxytocin, also called the bonding hormone. Oxytocin helps clear out stress and its related health issues. High levels of oxytocin result in lower levels of cortisol and adrenaline – hormones released by the brain under stressful situations.

7. Psychological benefits: Platonic relationships offer unconditional love – they believe in  loving the individual as a person and not for what they can give you. There is an absence of fear. It allows you to be yourself and do away with the pretense to impress the other person. There is a comfortable space for the friends to grow and enjoy life.

Rules For A Platonic Relationship

While Platonic friends may try to keep the relationship pure of romance to the best of their abilities, there is a possibility that the lines and boundaries become blurred and sex enters the picture. However, if you know where to set the limits and draw the line, you can maintain an appropriate platonic bond.

1. Acknowledge: Despite your best attempts at avoiding romantic and sexual tones from seeping into your platonic relationship, if you find yourself in a situation, acknowledge your feelings. Be honest and express your desire to keep romantic boundaries and emotions in check.

2. Check physical contact: Restrict yourself from making any uncomfortable physical contact, even during the casual greeting. Avoid discussions on romantic or sexual topics; this also includes sexual jokes.

3. Verbal restriction: While platonic relationships thrive on honesty and trust, once romantic and sexual feelings start creeping in, it is important to avoid saying anything that could be misinterpreted or give mixed signals, especially if you are aware of the other person’s romantic feelings for you.

The Dos And Don’ts Of A Platonic Relationship

This checklist will help you maintain a healthy platonic relationship.

Dos

1. A little bit of harmless flirting may be okay in certain situations..

2. If confusion sets in, try to figure out if he/she is just a friend to you or you are attracted to him/her sexually and seek more from the relationship.

3. Even if you are the best of friends, it doesn’t work to treat your female friend disrespectfully. Respect and trust have to be the basis for building your friendship.

4. If you have a platonic BFF and are romantically involved with someone else, you should have them come to know each other. Often a romantic partner may feel jealous, and getting to know and understand your platonic friend will help to ease any jealousy.

Don’ts

1. Even in your most carefree moments, do not touch each other in intimate areas.

2. If you discover that your friend has romantic feelings for you, it would be wrong to lead them on.

3. Your friend is a friend, and your romantic partner is someone you go on dates with and are sexually involved with – stay clear about this. Do not allow yourself to go down the path and make the mistake of treating your friend as a date.

4. In the unfortunate event of your significant other being unable to come to terms with your platonic BFF, reconsider the new bond you have formed. It would be wrong to forego a great friendship because of your partner’s inability to handle it. Do not fall for the “you have to choose between the two of us” trap. Rather take the initiative to listen to your partner with empathy, and together determine what steps to take that will make everyone comfortable.

When Platonic Relationships Turn Romantic

Romance, finding its way into a platonic relationship, can either take your bond to the next level or act as a spoiler, bringing down a relationship that you have cherished for years. Look out for these signs if you are in a platonic relationship.

• There is excessive flirting, with a clear indication that the person is seeking something more than a non-sexual relationship.
• Clinginess is another indication that something is not right about a platonic relationship. Missing your friend in their absence is fine, but finding it difficult to go through the day without talking to them is a sign of deeper attraction.
• You are obsessively talking about your platonic friend to others. Be careful of what you discuss.
• You fantasize and dream about intimate moments with your platonic friend. This is a clear sign that you are romantically involved with your friend.
• You witness boundaries being crossed way too often. Sometimes you may not realize it, but for example, you may pull yourself closer to your friend than you usually do, or give a more intense hug.

If you find yourself in such a situation, it is important to analyze if your friend also feels the same. Have they dropped any hints that suggest that they are looking for something more than platonic? If that is the case, how confident are you about making that change in your relationship? In the unfortunate event of your friend not sharing the same feelings for you, will you forego the friendship? The answers to these questions will help you analyze if you wish to take your relationship to the next level. A talk with your friend should be given top priority.

References

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Sharon Gilchrest O’NeillEd.S., LMFT

Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and family business consultant, who has earlier been a graduate instructor/advisor, an organizational learning consultant, and hospice volunteer. With around eight years of experience working in the private as well as corporate setting, Sharon helps her clients think creatively and build upon their strengths.

Read full bio of Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill