Wifely Duties: The Role Of A Wife In The Family

What Are Wifely Duties?

“A man may be the head of the family, but a woman is the neck and she can turn the head anyway she wants” – Maria Portokalos, My Big Fat Greek Wedding

1. Physical Intimacy

The term ‘wifely duty’ is synonymous with a wife having to have sex in a marriage. Back in the 20’s and 50’s, wives had to be open to having sex anytime with their partner. It was their ‘wifely duty’ that came with being married. However, things are changing today. Here are some factors to consider concerning physical intimacy and marriage.

• The common misconception is that women don’t want sex once they get married. Women have been raised with the thought that they need to be docile, and that sex is primarily for the satisfaction of men. In fact, women are often condemned for being open about their sexuality. Derogatory terms, primarily female-gendered, are often used to describe promiscuity. Society demands that women be sexually desirable but not sexually desiring.

But today, women are embracing their sexuality. The idea that a woman’s sexual satisfaction changes once she becomes a wife is outdated. Women want to be pampered. Marriage does not give the husband an unfettered right to sex anytime.

• Research shows that the longer couples have been together, the lesser sex they tend to have (1). Another study indicated that the unequal distribution of household chores may exhaust women by the end of the day and cause them not to prefer sex (2). Women are expected to cook, clean, do the laundry, and work a full-time career, while most husbands work at the office and don’t always help with the household chores. Along with these comes the responsibility of taking care of the children – that there is no wonder that women are tired and just want to sleep at the end of the day.

In some cases, women are sexually repressed and often feel embarrassed to tell their partner what gives them sexual satisfaction. This causes them to be unsatisfied, and sex often becomes a chore for them.

Another attributing factor to the decrease in sexual activity in wives is their dwindling interest in a quickie. When you were dating, having sex was thrilling and fun. You loved tearing each other’s clothes off and getting down to business. But as women age, the need for immediate sexual gratification decreases. Foreplay becomes a big deal here! Try giving your wife a massage – it can also be just a regular massage to take some stress off. Take the time to pamper your wife and show her how much she means to you.

• Women, you don’t have to have sex when you don’t want to. Back in the day, wives saw it as their duty to please their husbands sexually even when they didn’t want to. Now things are different. Ladies, tell your partner if you don’t feel like having sex. Sex becomes an errand if you indulge in it only to please your partner.

However, remember that men tend to be more physical. They need physical intimacy. While it is alright to not be in the mood for sex, there may be a problem if you never want to have sex. This doesn’t mean that you have to force yourself to have sex with your partner. Instead, take a day to pamper yourself, just relax, or chill at the spa – and then get physically intimate with your partner. Take the time to get into the mood for sex. Be open to talking to experts who can give you advice on how to spice things up. Wives, if you feel unfulfilled, tell your partner what works for you. Let go of the stigma that comes with being open about your sexual desires.

2. Emotional Support

I, (Your name), take you, (Partner’s name), to be my wife (or husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.

The role of both spouses in the relationship is to love and support each other through the good times and the bad. A marriage will only work when both, the wife and husband, respect and support each other.

The husband being emotionally unsupportive in a marriage was often considered acceptable. However, this leaves the wife feeling unappreciated. However, the wife is always expected to be supportive of her husband. It is important to understand that it is not the wife’s duty alone to be supportive. The husband must take the responsibility too. Both parties must take charge and make the marriage work.

A blogger and housewife shares her experience of being a traditional wife for 10 years. She details how she puts her husband and his needs on top priority, provides unconditional love, takes care of the traditional household chores, and maintains communication, writing, “You should first know that I take this job very seriously. And yes, I said job. I consider myself to be a career wife and mother. This is all that I have ever wanted to do with my life…. I have every right to dream of becoming a fabulous wife and mother, just as some of you might desire to be an astronaut, doctor or teacher…. So yes, I considered my job as a wife to be the fulfillment of my childhood dreams. That’s pretty awesome, right (i)?”

Quick Tip

Splitting everyday chores in marriage also has a positive impact on the children in the house. The kids grow up seeing their parents as an understanding and supporting pair.

3. Everyday Chores

In the earlier days, the wife was supposed to stay home, cook meals, dress the kids, iron her husband’s clothes, do the dishes, and do every other household chore. She also was expected to take care of her husband once he was home from work and be physically intimate with him. Thanks to feminism, wives now know that they can also pursue a career. But they are still often expected to have a full-fledged career while balancing the household chores. This obviously leaves women feeling exhausted.

Wives, split your everyday chores equally with your partner. You will be surprised at how this helps with your marriage.

• Have a scheduling sheet to decide who will take care of which chores. Take turns to cook, clean, do the laundry, water the plants, etc.

• Wives, if you both are working full-time and also have kids, be open to hiring help. Women often feel that by hiring help they may not be able to give enough time to their kids. But that’s not true. Take the help of a nanny to handle your child, and then take some time during the latter part of the day to hang out with your kids.

• Have a financial discussion with your partner to be on the same page about running your finances and saving/investing.

Here are some basic tips to help you improve your marriage.

What Can A Wife Do For A Happy Marriage

1. Sit down with your partner and have a proper discussion about what they expect from you and what you expect from them. A marriage only works when both partners are open to each other, and respect and support each other. If there are disagreements, find ways to settle them.

Quick Tip

Promise each other that you will be good listeners while finding a middle ground. Anger, rude tones, and blame games should be out of the session.

2. Divide the household chores between you and your partner. This is extremely helpful. Dividing chores lessens the burden on the wife and makes both partners appreciate each other. If you have kids, get them to help you out with cleaning the dishes and putting the trash out.

3. If you and your partner are facing issues at home, be open to meeting with a counselor. They can get to the root of the problem and give you solutions to improve your marriage.

4. When it comes to sex, be open to trying new things. Wives, be open about what pleases you sexually. Take time to get into the mood for sex rather than just indulging in it to please your partner.

Infographic: Wifely Duties For A Healthy Marriage

Positive qualities in a man are brought about by a good wife. She points him in the correct direction and is there for him through the good times and the bad. However, while most wives used to stay at home to look after the family, these practices are now changing. So, in today’s era, what are a wife’s duties for a healthy marriage? Learn more from the infographic below.

Illustration: The Bridal Box Design Team

Frequently Asked Questions

What makes a woman wife material?

Women may characterize themselves as wife material when they are independent themselves and wish to share their life with a partner and settle down with them. They seek companionship not to depend on someone else but to simply share their best version with someone who they are compatible with in every way.

What should wives not say to their husbands?

Partners, in general, should not say disrespectful and demeaning things to each other. To get married is to choose a partnership of a lifetime where partners put their best foot forward, understand their own shortcomings, be empathetic towards each other’s struggles, and help each other through their lives. Good partners must always believe in transparent communication and avoid bringing back past mistakes in their conversations. Partners should also avoid blaming each other, acknowledge their circumstances, and encourage each other to move forward using positive and kind words.

How can a wife support her husband?

Wives can encourage their husbands by listening to them when they want to talk and by cheering them up when they feel down. Always be there for him emotionally, encourage him to pursue his dreams, and ensure that he knows you have his back.

How should a wife treat her husband?

It is important for a wife to treat her husband with love and respect. A good wife should give her husband some personal space without sacrificing quality time together, be caring and compassionate, and should bring out the best in him. Remind him of your love and show him that you care through your actions.

A wife loves, supports, and guides her husband and children to make a house feel like a home. Watch this video to know more about how a wife glues the family together.

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Hemali AdhiyaICF Certified Relationship Coach

   

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