Toddler Hitting: Reasons And How To Stop It

Identifying the precise cause of toddler hitting is vital to rectify the behavior.

Reviewed by Dr. Neha Mehta, MD Dr. Neha Mehta Dr. Neha MehtaMD facebook_icontwitter_iconyoutube_iconinsta_icon Specialty: Clinical psychologyExperience: 10 years
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Toddler Hitting Reasons And Tips

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Toddlers often have varying emotions that may manifest through actions. One of the several actions that parents may observe is hitting. A toddler may hit others due to frustration or for reasons that may seem indiscernible. Despite the embarrassment and annoyance it causes, there are usually relevant reasons for a toddler hitting objects or others.

Read on to learn why toddlers hit, tips for dealing with the behavior, and how not to react if your toddler has a habit of hitting.

Reasons Why A Toddler Hits Others

Parents must know that when a toddler hits, they do so without any bad intentions (1). Toddlers between the ages of 18 and 36 months become increasingly aware that they are individuals and begin to ascertain their needs and wants. They try to communicate but usually lack the ability to express their feelings and tend to throw tantrums, leading to hitting and biting (2).

Below are the various reasons why toddlers hit others.

  1. A form of communication: Hitting is often a toddler’s way to communicate. Toddlers have well-developed motor skills but lack adequate language skills to express their emotions. It may lead to situations that cause frustration, causing the toddler to resort to hitting objects or others around them (3). In such cases, parents may spot a trigger or a potential cause, such as a person or an event, which leads to the toddler hitting others.
  1. Trying out new things: Toddlers have better motor skills than infants, and these skills continue to develop. The newfound ability to move arms and legs with improved dexterity could be fascinating, especially for younger toddlers. It could cause some to experiment with cause and effect by hitting any object or person within their line of sight (1).
  1. Having a bad day: Many toddlers hit or bite when they are having a bad day or are frustrated by the situation or people around them (4). Since toddlers are still not adept at expressing themselves adequately, they tend to become slightly aggressive when sad or upset.
  1. Temperamental nature: It is not uncommon for toddlers to be fussy and temperamental, showing stubbornness and tantrums. These emotions may lead to aggressive actions and behavior, including hitting others. A common reason for this is toddler’s inability to adapt to situations and accept changes since they are still young.
  1. Lack of self-control: Toddlers could hit, kick, or bite others due to insufficient self-control and lack of restraint in acting on their emotions (2). The toddler may also not realize that the action is wrong, despite the parents telling them about it many times. The common reason behind it is that the toddler is still young to understand ethics and socially appropriate behavior sufficiently.
  1. Imitation of others: Toddlers have impressionable minds and copy several actions, including those that may be inappropriate (5). If your toddler has seen someone, such as a sibling, hit another person, they may try to imitate the same (6).
  1. Hyperactive child: Most children with neurodevelopmental disorders, hit people because they have lots of energy which needs to be channelized.

Tips For Dealing With A Hitting Toddler

Hitting others is not acceptable at any age, and this should be taught young. Here is how you could deal with the situation if your toddler is hitting others (2) (3).

  1. Manage the triggers: In most cases, you may be able to tell the cause or trigger for the toddler hitting others. Check if the toddler just argued with a sibling or if the toddler is upset with an event or person. Identifying the trigger could let you manipulate it to make it less frustrating for the toddler. For instance, if your toddler hits your sibling often for a toy, taking away the toy or providing separate toys may help you resolve the problem before it leads to hitting and tantrums.
  1. Provide alternatives: Find alternatives to channel your toddler’s energy and desire to exercise their motor skills. For instance, provide them with toys that are meant for hitting or pressing, such as a stress ball. You may also teach them alternative behaviors, such as clapping their hands or counting numbers instead of hitting.
  1. Offer emotional support: An effective way to resolve their hitting habit is to be there for them emotionally. Toddlers often feel insecure due to changes in their environment or to the constant stress of a routine. Provide emotional support by speaking to your toddler whenever they seem distressed by a change or seem to be on the verge of a breakdown. Discuss what your toddler feels. Provide them with options so that they can choose the best way to ease their anxiety instead of hitting.
  1. Teach ways to handle a situation: If your toddler hits others out of frustration or due to an inability to solve a problem, calm them down and teach them to solve a problem. For example, if you notice your toddler hitting others when they don’t get a toy, teach them to ask for it using “please.” If they dislike a change or a rule, teach them to say, “I don’t like it.” The objective is to teach the toddler to use speech to express their emotions instead of hitting others.
  1. Try distraction: If you sense your toddler is about to hit someone, prevent it before it begins. The best way to do so is by distracting them. If your toddler is in a bad mood or irritable, ask them to give you a hug, play music, play a game, or try any other distraction that can take the toddler’s mind off the trigger.
  1. Take away from the situation: If things seem out of control, take the toddler out of the situation or place. Do not give a time out since the toddler may return and resume hitting. Instead, gently hold the toddler’s hand, distract them, and take them to another spot. Provide the toddler with an alternative activity once you move them to another place.
  1. Check for any influence: If your toddler continues to hit despite all your efforts, check if the toddler is learning it by observing someone. You may check if the toddler picked up the habit of hitting by observing a friend at daycare. Ask your toddler’s siblings about it, too. In some cases, toddlers may do so by copying a character they watch on television or other forms of visual media. You may check if the toddler’s actions are a result of a wrong influence.
  1. Behavior therapy: Behavior modification therapy helps in changing the behavior. Visit a nearby counselor for assistance.

What Not To Do When Your Toddler Hits

The following reactions to a toddler’s habit of hitting must be avoided since they may exacerbate the behavior instead of curtailing it (3).

  • Hitting or spanking the toddler
  • Losing your cool or getting angry
  • Punishing the toddler with a time out
  • Telling them they are bad
  • Restricting food or playtime
  • Suspending communication and conversations with the toddler
  • Ignoring the toddler as punishment

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Is hitting normal for toddlers?

Yes. Hitting others is a common symptom of toddlerhood. Children usually resort to hitting to express their anger or frustration about something (3). Thus, it is not something to be concerned about and will eventually go away with proper guidance.

2. Why does my toddler hit and then laugh?

Hitting something or someone might give rise to emotions of fear in your child. Thus, laughing after hitting is their way of releasing their fear and trying to control their emotions (1).

It could be annoying for every parent to see their toddler hitting others. However, it is important to be calm and try to understand why your toddler could be resorting to such behaviors. Toddlers experience a transition phase of growth and undergo several developmental changes. These transformations, hyperactiveness, and lack of proper means of expression could make them aggressive, leading to hitting. Try to cope with this habit by using simple tricks such as identifying and avoiding triggers, trying other distractions, and providing emotional support. Be patient, as most toddlers outgrow this habit with time and as they learn to communicate better.

Key Pointers

  • Toddlers may hit as a form of communication and to portray frustration, anger, and power.
  • Some other reasons that could trigger them to hit are short temper, bad day, lack of self-control, and hyperactiveness.
  • It can be managed by providing alternative ways to let out frustration, such as playing a sport, and by offering emotional support.

References

1. When Your Toddler Hits You: Hand in Hand Parenting
2. Claire Lerner and Rebecca Parlakian, Aggressive Behavior in Toddlers; Zero to Three
3. Christina Low Kapalu, Hitting and Biting: What Parents Need to Know; Children’s Mercy Kansas City
4. Fighting and Biting American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
5. Carrie Shrier, Young Children Learn by Copying You; Michigan State University Extension
6. My Child Hits. Why?; Pathways
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Dr. Neha Mehta
Dr. Neha MehtaMD
Gold medalist Neha Mehta is an RCI-registered psychologist, certified relationship and child psychologist, and a well-known parenting coach practicing in Haryana. She has ten years of experience in the field of counseling.

Read full bio of Dr. Neha Mehta
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