5 Signs You May Have Trust Issues
Things such as over-controlling and baseless doubts make your trust issues worse.
Lydia Waruszynski-St-Denis is a certified family life educator, relationship coach, and marriage advisor with over 27 years of experience. She founded LetsTalkAboutLove that helps couples lead a better life. She did her BA, holds an M.Ed degree from McGill University, and also completed a sex therapy certificate from the University of Guelph.
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In This Article
Trusting someone is not easy, especially when your trust has been broken in the past. Perhaps you have feelings for someone, but you are scared to get closer to them because of past experiences. In such cases, trust issues may complicate your love life, whether before falling in love or while being with someone.
Trust is the foundation of every relationship and plays a key role in nurturing healthy and secure relationships (1). When there are trust issues between a couple, it invites problems and hampers the relationship. In this post, we talk about trust issues in a relationship, why they occur, and how to deal with them.
What Are Trust Issues?
Trust issues tend to crop up when certainty leaves your relationship and insecurity seeps in, affecting your reasoning. Trust issues do not necessarily mean suspecting your partner about something. It could also mean that you are cautious, open up slowly, hesitate to speak your heart, and not rely too much on your partner.
A study on distrust also revealed that trust issues in a relationship would eventually give rise to adverse behavioral patterns such as jealousy, suspicion, and negative actions (1). Keep reading to know more about the signs that suggest you and your partner have trust issues.
5 Signs You May Have Trust Issues
There are certain signs or behavior patterns that signify a person is having trust issues. Modifying those behaviors in time can help save the relationship.
1. Over-Controlling your Partner
Are you proactively or unknowingly setting boundaries for your partner? Are you monitoring your partner’s social media profile and phonecalls and texts? If you are nodding your head it could be a sign that you don’t trust your partner enough.
2. Expecting the Worst
Your partner arrives home late because they had work to finish. But you don’t believe them and think they are someplace other than the office, and question their behavior.
Or, you think your partner is texting another person every time they reach for their mobile phone. When they ask you for a simple favor, you think they are using you. If you could relate to these statements, then most likely, there is a lack of trust in your relationship.
3. Sad and Isolated
Do you find yourself thinking that your partner is lying or hiding something from you? Do you fear that your relationship is losing its charm? Such thoughts, if persistent, can end up making you feel sad and depressed. And when you cannot open up and talk about your feelings with your partner, you may feel isolated or alone. The fact that you cannot be yourself and don’t trust your beloved even with simple things indicates a lack of trust.
4. Confused about the Relationship
Are you having second thoughts about your relationship right now? Are you always stressed out due to some ambiguity about your relationship status? If yes, chances are you don’t trust each other to move ahead in the relationship and don’t know where you stand or which way to go.
5. Testing your Partner
Do you want to know where your partner is or what he or she is doing at all times? Do you keep calling or texting them now and then to check on them? If yes, you probably have a hard time taking their word for it and have the urge to check on them constantly, because you can’t trust them for some reason.
Ever wonder why you have such a hard time trusting your partner? What could be the reasons for these issues to pop up in a relationship?
Causes Of Trust Issues In A Relationship
Everyone’s story is different. And the reasons that make one less trusting of other people depend on the experiences they have had. Here, we list some of the common reasons a person could have trust issues in a relationship.
1. Bad Relationships in the Past
Not every relationship goes as planned. Some could fail. If you or your partner had been through a rough past where you were hurt by a lying, cheating, or abusive ex, then you are likely to have certain trust issues in the current relationship. These, when not addressed, could prevent you from enjoying the joys of a healthy relationship.
2. Childhood Trauma
A depressing childhood could be another reason for distrust. Witnessing the parents fight, physical abuse, dealing with a parent’s anger issues, separated or divorced parents could be some of the things from the past that could scar you and affect your ability to trust your partner.
3. Dominance
Fear of losing control in the relationship could give rise to trust issues in a relationship. To stay in control and hold the reins of your relationship, you could become dominant and monitor your partner regularly, leading to arguments and debates.
4. Lack of Communication
Not spending enough time talking or communicating with each other can lead to misunderstandings, which can give rise to trust issues. Also, not talking to each other could lead to unreasonable expectations and disappointments, which further break the trust between the two.
5. Accident or loss of a family member
Losing a loved one or having a near-death experience in an accident could leave you scarred in life. Such experiences make you over-protective of yourself and your partner. The fear of losing your life or a loved one again could be one of the reasons that prevent you from trusting that your partner can take care of themselves or you.
6. Infidelity
Trusting can be difficult if your partner had cheated on you before, but you forgive them and decided to give your relationship a second chance. No matter how hard you try to believe that your partner is a changed person and will not cheat on you again, you will have some difficulty trusting them completely.
Whatever might be the cause, the good thing is that it is possible to overcome these issues and keep your relationship healthy.
How To Overcome Trust Issues?
“Turn your wounds into wisdom.” – Oprah Winfrey
Knowing what triggers these trust issues is essential to fix them and move ahead in the relationship.
1. Forget and forgive
We all make mistakes. To forget and forgive what happened in the past, you need to stick to the present. Holding on to the pain from the past would not only hurt you but also damage your relationship. Try to let go of the past wounds and live freely with your partner, family, and friends. Leave the past behind and move ahead.
2. Communicate
No matter how busy you are, it is essential to take some time out for your loved one. Open up and talk to your partner as much as you can. At the same time, listen to what they have to say without being judgmental. Open and honest communication will help you understand each other better. Talk about your day, share secrets, tell how much you love, show care, and do everything that can make your bond stronger.
3. Stop the blame game
Fights and disagreements are normal in a relationship. But when something goes wrong, try to deal with it in a mature way, instead of blaming your partner or breaking up. Blaming, quarreling, and staying away from each other will aggravate the problem and bring down the trust factor. Try to sit down, discuss the problem, and resolve it. This could help in regaining the lost trust.
4. Talk to a counselor
If you are unable to resolve your trust issues on your own, talk to a therapist or a counselor. There’s absolutely nothing wrong in seeking professional help to understand the cause of your unhappiness. Therapists could provide the right guidance that you need to mend your relationship.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. How do I love someone with trust issues?
To have a successful and fulfilling relationship with someone with trust issues, you must be patient, persistent, and considerate. You should be honest with your partner and be consistent in your love. Also, make sure you listen to their concerns and work towards building up trust.
2. Will trust issues ruin a relationship?
Yes. Trust issues can destroy a relationship. Hence, whatever the reasons you may have for not trusting your partner, you must address them as soon as possible to keep the relationship intact. An open and honest conversation with your partner about expectations and misunderstandings may help resolve your issues.
To avoid trust issues, you must first let go of your insecurities from past experiences. As Maya Angelou once said, “Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” Therefore, although you may have gone through some troubled times, you must learn to be open to trusting relationships to be happy and content and love your partner wholeheartedly. Having trust issues will ultimately suffocate the other partner and cost you your mental peace. So try and fix it. Never hesitate to seek the help of a professional and work towards building a solid relationship.
Key Pointers
- When insecurity seeps into your relationship, you may begin to develop trust issues.
- If your partner begins controlling you, appears disappointed, and isolates themself, they may be having trust issues.
- Talk to your partner and try to resolve their apprehensions if you suspect them of having trust issues.
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Read full bio of Lydia Waruszynski-St-Denis
