Unrequited Love: Types, Signs, And 11 Tips To Deal With It
Mark Rosenfeld is a renowned author, keynote speaker, and a leading dating and relationship coach for women in Australia. He aims to empower his clients to take control of their love lives and discover genuine companionship through straightforward techniques and a systematic approach.
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Shivani Chandel is a postgraduate in English literature from Panjab University, Chandigarh and a certified relationship coach. She has four years of experience in copy editing and writing about entertainment, health, lifestyle, and beauty.
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subhrojyoti mukherjee Subhrojyoti is an associate editor at StyleCraze with four years of experience. He has a master’s degree in English from Presidency University, Kolkata, and has also done a post-graduate certificate course in Editing and Publishing from Jadavpur University, Kolkata.
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sneha tete Sneha has a master's degree in Applied Linguistics from the University of Hyderabad, a professional Relationship Coach diploma, and over four years of experience in writing. She writes about relationships and lifestyle.Sneha began her career as an instructional designer, shifted to freelance technical and research writing, and self-published a novella on the theme of adolescent mental health.
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In This Article
Unrequited love is filled with emotional upheavals while your intended is blissfully unaware of what you are feeling. Love exists without rules or rhymes. That tender feeling arouses your senses, and before you know it, you are in love with someone.
There are times when this love is unrequited or one-sided. It might have been a friend, a college classmate whom you secretly admired, or an actor you admired, who wasn’t even aware of you. It is natural to fall in love, and it is fine to admire someone secretly. You can go to great lengths to develop unrequited feelings for someone, but it can be heartbreaking if they don’t reciprocate.
Unrequited love hurts. This article explores unrequited love and how you can resolve the pain it brings. Find out more below.
What Is Unrequited Love?
Unrequited love is single-sided love. It is about having loving or romantic feelings for someone without being aware if they feel the same for you. These secret feelings are not rewarded, and this one-sided love can often leave a person in pain and sorrow. The person may eventually develop feelings of disapproval or rejection, making their life further difficult.
Understanding the causes behind unrequited love can help people navigate their feelings and seek out more fulfilling, mutual connections. Learn more below.
The Causes Of Unrequited Love
Unrequited love can be perplexing and painful. Here are some causes broken down into points:
- Idealization: Falling for an idealized version of someone rather than their true self often leads to a discrepancy between expectation and reality, causing emotional distress.
- Seeking Approval: Some people are attracted to the challenge of pursuing someone who shows little interest, but this pursuit can become an unhealthy obsession, overshadowing the possibility of genuine reciprocation.
- Fear of Rejection: Preferring longing over potential rejection from an attainable romance is a protective measure that keeps one in the realm of fantasy, where rejection is not an immediate risk.
- Emotional Barriers: Using unrequited love as a shield against facing one’s own vulnerabilities is a subconscious choice that can keep someone stuck in a cycle of unfulfilled desire.
There are various types of unrequited love. Identifying what you are experiencing can help you overcome it.
Types Of Unrequited Love
- Having feelings for someone who is already in a relationship
- Loving someone who doesn’t have similar feelings
- Having a feeling for your ex after a breakup (or after they have moved on)
- Common love feelings between two people involved in other relationships
Unrequited love can also start from casual dating when one person’s feelings become deeper while the other person doesn’t feel the same.
How do you know if you are experiencing unrequited love? The following section can help you understand.
Signs Of Unrequited Love
- They Feel No Connection
You are looking forward to making a deeper connection with the person you love but they do not think the same and maintain their distance while you try to get closer. If it is only you who is trying to make all the effort by checking on them, it is unrequited love. Their lack of interest in you can be seen in their casual behavior.
You might find yourself trying to win over the person you love, even going as far as developing the same interests as them. If you find yourself doing this, especially without reciprocation, it’s a strong sign of unrequited love.
If they had the same feelings for you, they would have taken the initiative to connect deeply with you by interacting more and getting to know you better.
- They Take A Long Time To Respond
You keep showering them with deep messages and they take ages to reply. Sometimes, they may even not reply. All these could be signs that they have no intention of moving the relationship forward.
An online survey conducted on 4619 UK residents in 2018 found that 74% felt stressed in the past year which overwhelmed them and made them unable to cope with the feelings. Among people with high stress levels, 12% reported the need to message instantly was a cause of their stress. As a result, 51% of the respondents felt depressed while 61% felt anxious.
- You Do Not Accept The Denial
Unrequited love is complicated and confusing. The other person may send you desirable signals at times, only that they could have meant something else. Maybe the compliments they pass are taken by you as a gesture of love. You have a hard time accepting this and are further hurt by their inconsistent signals.
Quick Tip- Longing A Physical Touch
Be it any sort of love, a desire to kiss, touch, or hug the person you love is natural. If you are longing for this physical contact but the other person seems to show resistance, it could be a sign of unrequited love.
In this blog, the blogger, Kayla Berger, reflects on the challenges and emotional turmoil associated with unrequited love. Drawing from personal experiences, Kayla explores the complex emotions tied to love and how unreciprocated feelings can impact one’s self-esteem and sense of worth. She mentions, “To give up on love would cause me more heartache than dealing with the unfortunate side effects of unrequited love.” (i)
Why We Struggle To Move On From Unrequited Love
- You Expect Or Hope For Too Much
Despite knowing that it is single-sided love, you still have a ray of hope that the other person may understand your feelings and reciprocate. However, this lingering hope can turn into a harsh reality as you cannot force someone to love you.
You need to understand that they may not be the one for you and be prepared to move on.
- You Think It Is True Love
People usually find it difficult to move on in unrequited love as they believe it to be their true love. This very thought can keep you in shackles and keep you from moving on. But understand that your life won’t end here. It is sad that most people going through unrequited love find themselves obsessed with somebody. This cognitive state develops a desire for reciprocated feelings from a person, as a result of which they may get stuck thinking that their true love will be rewarded one day.
- You Get Mixed Signals
At times, the kinds of signals and gestures you receive from the other person could keep you stuck. They are always ready to go on a casual dinner or lunch with you, but never reciprocate. They sometimes respond to your flirty texts and might completely ignore you the next day. All these scenarios can confuse you and keep you stuck. Such gestures can also make you believe that something great could happen between you two in the future.
While dealing with unrequited love is difficult, it is possible. Here is how.
How To Deal With Unrequited Love: 11 Tips
1. Maintain Space
Maintaining space doesn’t mean that you will completely start avoiding the other person. Instead, you can keep your friendship intact and try to see them as your friend.
Pro Tip2. Talk To Your Friends
If you have a friend you can trust, share your emotions with them. Doing so will make you feel better and their advice might help you move on.
3. Make New Friends
Try to involve yourself in making new friends rather than being stuck in one-sided love. This will divert your mind and make you feel better.
4. Do What You Have Been Long Waiting For
Unleash yourself and plan the vacation you always wanted to go for. Ask your friends if they can accompany you or just choose to go solo.
5. Pursue Your Passion
Are you passionate about painting, music, or dancing? Join a hobby class and explore your inner artist.
6. Invest In Yourself
You deserve to pamper yourself. Go on a shopping spree or take a relaxing spa appointment to calm yourself.
7. Explore Dating Sites
There are endless options for dating these days. Get yourself registered on a reputed dating site and find a new love interest who can match your feelings.
8. Prioritize Family Time
Family is important and the time you spend with them is worth remembering. So make the most of it. Get involved in leisure activities with your siblings or take your parents out on a lavish holiday.
9. Meditate
Yoga/meditation is a doorway to overcome many challenges. Spend time meditating as it can help you relax and wash off the negativity.
10. Stop Overthinking
The more you think about your unrequited love, the more it is going to hurt. Therefore, keep yourself occupied with a productive pursuit.
11. Lean Back
For any chance for love to become reciprocal, the energy between the two of you has to come back into balance. That means you have to accept the situation as it is and mirror their level of investment in you, which is probably very little. Once you shift the focus to yourself and others from them, you may find them taking interest and investing more time in you.
Unrequited love does not have to be a bitter experience. You sure can learn important lessons from the experience.
Lessons We Can Learn From Our Unrequited Love
- You cannot force anyone to love you.
- There is no point in getting stuck with one-sided love – it only would hurt you and waste your time and effort.
- Unrequited love makes you learn the importance of accepting life the way it comes.
- There is nothing that cannot be healed. Life goes on and unpleasantness fades with time.
- Welcome those who value your company.
- You deserve someone better and it is worth waiting for them.
Unrequited love is one-sided love that is not reciprocated. The person you love may show a lack of interest in you, and it is clearly seen by their behavior. The most obvious sign of this is when they take a long time to respond to your calls or messages. It is hard to deal with this type of love. But by maintaining space, talking to your friends, and making new friends, you may divert your mind from the object of your affection and feel better. Accept the reality, try to move on, and start looking for someone you can build a healthy relationship with.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can you be friends with unrequited love?
Yes, you can be friends with unrequited love if you are honest to yourself. Maintaining the required distance and boundaries is essential to keep the friendship working.
Is unrequited love infatuation?
Yes. It often begins as simple, regular feelings, but the longer it goes on the more it becomes infatuation. If you are unable to let them go and continue to obsess over them despite their clear signals of disinterest, you are entering infatuation territory!
How long does unrequited love last?
It varies from person to person and situation to situation. Also, it depends on how long you take to accept things as they are and decide to move on or continue with the feeling of one-sided love.
Key Takeaways
- Unrequited love is single-sided love.
- It could be a close friend, a college classmate you secretly admire, or an actor you love who is completely unaware of your existence.
- It can take some time to get back on track. However, to deal with it, make new friends, invest in yourself, meditate, explore dating sites, and more.
Unrequited love may be hard to deal with, but you can confront the hurt with grace and compassion. Check this video for some wisdom-filled advice to empower you to navigate heartache and emerge stronger. Click play to watch!
Personal Experience: Source
thebridalbox's articles are interwoven with authentic personal narratives that provide depth and resonance to our content. Below are the sources of the personal accounts referenced in this article.
(i) Unrequited Lovehttps://christianlovelessons.blogspot.com/2009/10/unrequited-love.html
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