Annoying In-Laws Just Aren’t Worth The Fight
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I got married 6 years ago, and the night before my wedding, I told myself that I would never let my in-laws be the reason my husband and I fight. Of course, I did not know what I was committing to or what was in store for me back then. But I had seen my friends, sisters, and mother put up with a lot of unnecessary judgments, criticism, and cruelty until the point where they snapped. Sometimes, the fights got so out of hand that they would say mean things to each other, which continued until they finally moved out to stay separately. They still met on holidays and special occasions, but their interactions were awkward, cold, and incredibly fake.
Being witness to such situations, I had decided not to let that happen to my husband and me. But what I realized after being married and staying with my in-laws is that they just cannot mind their own business. They feel entitled to give their opinion, criticism, and unsolicited advice, which does not stop. My in-laws always complained about the way I cooked, cleaned, and even my parenting skills.
I had had enough. I knew I did not want them to be why my husband and I fought, but every time they visited, that’s exactly what would end up happening. I would be mad that my husband ignores the demeaning comments passed by his brother and mother. Is it too much for me to expect my husband to stand up for me? I understand that it’s not easy because it’s his family, but why must I be subjected to constant humiliation? We often fought about these things every time they paid a visit, leaving us feeling frustrated.
My husband would tell me to pay no heed to what they say, but how could I ignore them when they question every decision I make. My brother-in-law and his wife were the first ones to rubbish my parenting style. They compared my daughter to their son and pointed out the lack of attention in my daughter. I would try not to let them get to me, but it wasn’t easy.
My husband’s brother even went to the extent of commenting on my weight during pregnancy and postpartum. It was rather infuriating, and I would take it out on my husband because he did not say anything to his brother. He would sit quietly while they bad-mouthed me, and it got me wondering if it even affected him. What made me angrier was that my husband would sit and spend time with his brother without a care in the world even after he says such things about me.
When I questioned him about it, he’d tell me that it’s not worth it to squabble over it. He said that he knew none of what they were saying about me is true, so it did not affect him. But being brought up in a family where I was taught to care for the guests made it difficult for me to stop attending to them. However, eventually, that’s what I did.
Every time my husband’s family would come to visit, I would make myself scarce. It made things a lot better for me. My mental health was intact, and my husband and I did not fight a lot. I made myself clear to him and told him that distancing myself from his family works best. Because clearly, they were not too fond of me. And I happily relaxed and let them have their space when they visited.
I’ve learned that no matter how much you try, there is bound to be a clash between you and your in-laws and the best way to deal with it is to remove yourself from that negative situation. Because in the end, fighting with your husband for such a matter is just not worth it, and giving your in-laws that much power is not going to serve you well.
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