Being Strict With Children Can Turn Them Into Liars, A Study Reveals
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While honesty is a valuable virtue, it’s essential to be aware that your parenting approach may inadvertently foster dishonesty in your child. Discipline is a necessary aspect of raising children, but excessive strictness and overbearing behavior can lead to unintended consequences. Parents aspire to have a relationship with their children built on respect, good decision-making, and mutual trust, not one marred by deception and lies. Yelling at your child and adopting an overprotective and rigid stance can prove counterproductive. Recent research indicates that such a strict environment can actually encourage children to lie and engage in dishonest behavior (1). Interested in learning more? Keep reading!
The Study Was Conducted On Kids Aged 3 To 4 Years Old
A study wanted to see if strict parents make their kids more likely to lie. They had a group of kids, some from a strict school and some from a more relaxed one. Before the test, they asked the kids’ parents how they’d punish them for misbehaving. Most said they’d use mild physical punishment (2).
In the test, each child played a game. They had to guess sounds made by toys with their backs turned to the adults. After playing sounds like a dog’s bark and a baby crying, the kids were left alone in the room and told not to peek. Then, a third toy, a stuffed lion, played music instead of lion sounds. When the adults returned, they asked the kids if they peeked. Some admitted they did, and they were called “confessors.” Others lied and were called “lie tellers.” The kids were asked to guess the last toy’s sound, and some liars guessed it was a lion, while others gave different answers.
The Results Revealed A Link Between Strictness And Lie Telling
In the test, around 80% of the kids peeked at the toy. What’s interesting is that nearly all the kids from the strict school told lies and tried to hide it, while the ones from the relaxed school admitted their actions. This showed that children who experienced strict parenting and discipline, as well as a strict school environment, were better at telling advanced and believable lies (1). So, the study suggests that strict parenting might make kids more skilled at lying and generally less honest.
However, effective lying can be a sign of intelligence. It takes clever thinking and memory skills to tell a convincing lie and keep it consistent. So, when kids are good at lying, it can indicate that they have intelligence and the ability to think and reason well (3). However, this doesn’t mean parents should be overly strict with their children. Being too punitive can harm the parent-child relationship, lower self-esteem, and even lead to issues like bullying, anger problems, and depression in the future.
How To Teach Your Kids To Be Honest
Teaching kids to be honest without pushing them can be a delicate but important task. One effective approach is to lead by example. Children often mimic their parents’ behavior, so being a model of honesty and integrity is key. Encourage open communication by creating an environment where kids feel safe sharing their thoughts and feelings without fear of harsh punishment.
When they do make mistakes or tell a lie, focus on understanding their perspective rather than immediately punishing them. This helps children realize that honesty is valued over perfection. Discuss the consequences of dishonesty in a supportive manner and encourage problem-solving together. Additionally, praise and reward your child for being truthful, reinforcing that honesty is a virtue and appreciated. By emphasizing honesty in a positive and nurturing way, children can develop this important quality without feeling pressured.
What To Do If Your Child Is Saying An Obvious Lie
When you catch your child telling a lie, it’s essential to handle the situation with care and consideration. Start by staying calm and composed, avoiding immediate anger or accusations. Sit down with your child, and gently ask them about the situation, giving them an opportunity to explain themselves. This approach opens up a channel for honest communication. Emphasize the importance of truthfulness and how it builds trust in relationships. Encourage them to admit their mistake and acknowledge that everyone makes errors. Focus on the behavior rather than labeling them as a “liar.” Discuss the consequences of their dishonesty, both in terms of potential harm caused and the loss of trust. Work together on finding a solution to make amends for their actions. By reacting to your child’s lies with understanding, patience, and guidance, you create a more constructive environment for learning the value of honesty.
As hard as it may be to get your child to listen to you at times, resorting to strict parenting to change their behavior may be counterintuitive. This only gives them an incentive to lie and become dishonest to exercise their freedom. So, learn to talk and connect with them instead. Happy parenting!
