Why Breastfeeding Is A Lonely Time For Dads And How To Deal With It
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We all know about the challenges and hardships of motherhood. The stress of pregnancy, childbirth and being your baby’s only source of nutrition for the first crucial months can be daunting and overwhelming. But, what about the stress of fatherhood? The difficulties of being a father don’t always stem from the increasing stress of tending to a newborn or experiencing sleep deprivation. Nonetheless, an intriguing recent study has revealed that fathers can undergo a complex array of emotions during the breastfeeding period (1). While they naturally experience happiness and enthusiasm as new parents, they may also contend with feelings of isolation, depression, and a sense of incompleteness at times. Dads often sit on the sidelines during the first months which is a missed opportunity for them to bond with their baby. Not only is it unfair for them to be kept out of the experience but they could also be a great help to exhausted moms. So, here’s why and how you can include dad into the breastfeeding process in order to facilitate a better bond between your partner and your baby.
Breastfeeding May Prevent The Father From Baby Bonding
While breastfeeding is undoubtedly a special bonding experience between a mother and her baby, it’s essential to acknowledge that some fathers might feel excluded. It may sound somewhat juvenile, but consider this: during those initial months, babies predominantly eat and sleep. This means that a substantial portion of their waking hours is spent nursing before they doze off again. Given this, it’s understandable why fathers might feel like they’re missing out on significant bonding time with their infants. Moreover, the cozy snuggles and cuddles that accompany breastfeeding can be quite enviable. Exclusion from this process can indeed affect the development of a strong bond with the child and even impact the relationship between parents. These emotions can lead to considerable stress for fathers, possibly resulting in feelings of jealousy or depression. It’s worth noting that they likely don’t wish to feel this way, and involving them in the breastfeeding process can help alleviate these concerns.
This Can Result In Dads Being Dissatisfied With Themselves
Feeling excluded can also affect the way some fathers view themselves. Feeling like they are not contributing to the needs or care of their baby can make them feel inadequate resulting in lower self-esteem and self-efficiency. They may feel like they are not competent enough and will be dissatisfied with their role as fathers. These negative emotions can even lead to arguments with their partners or even result in them being aloof and detached from the family.
Acting Together Will Unite The Family
Men understand and respect that mothers predominantly play the central role in breastfeeding decisions. However, many men have expressed their appreciation for participating in the process by engaging in discussions about the details and benefits with their partners. It’s important to note that their involvement isn’t about asserting authority over decisions; rather, it’s a desire to remain well-informed about the process and its impact on their partner and child.
This active participation has been seen as their way of “negotiating a space for themselves within the decision-making process.” It underscores fathers’ strong commitment to teamwork and their genuine intent to support their family.
Additionally, many men view their primary role in the breastfeeding journey as that of a supporter and facilitator. By taking on this role, they alleviate some of the burdens on the mother. They undertake responsibilities such as caring for their partner, providing meals, assisting with household tasks, looking after older siblings, and even tending to the infant. Their emotional support and encouragement significantly contribute to the overall functioning of the family unit.
They Would Gladly Take Over Breastfeeding Duties
The best thing about dads is that they would gladly step in when moms are too tired to breastfeed. This can be a great way for mothers to catch up on some well needed rest and get a couple of extra hours at night to sleep and allow their body to heal. Even if you want to exclusively breastfeed, you can pump during the day and store the milk well so that your baby has enough for their late night feeds. Then you can ask dad to take over during the night or in the evening after they come back from work. This also gives dads the opportunity to spend time with their baby and bond with them. They get to snuggle with them and learn more about their personality. All of this will deepen their relationship with the tiny infant.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with asking your partner to help you. In fact, this may be the invitation they have been waiting for. Including dads in the breastfeeding process is beneficial for everyone involved, so why not give it a try? Happy parenting!
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