7 Conversations Married Men Dread Having, According To Therapists
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It’s true when you hear couples say that it takes effort to make a marriage work. If you constantly make your partner feel worthless or say something in the heat of the moment that you are going to regret a second later, it’s going to affect your marriage. Here are 7 conversations that married men can do without, according to therapists.
1. Reminding Him Of Every Mistake He Has Made
Yes, we are all tempted to dig the past to win an argument or make a strong point. But whatever the situation may be, it’s always better to focus on the current situation that both of you are dealing with, says Kurt Smith who specializes in counseling men (1). Nobody wants to be constantly reminded of their mistakes every time there is a fight. It’s always better to focus on the problem at hand and talk it out.
2. Bringing Up The D-Word
There are women who bring up divorce every time they are in a heated argument. Threatening your partner by saying “it’s better to get divorced” or “let’s just end things” is going to damage the relationship, says April Masini, who is a relationship expert (2). Don’t mention about divorce to your man unless you have really thought it through, and that’s what you want.
3. You “Never” Help Me With Dishes, You “Always” Go Out With Your Friends
Words like “always” and “never” can make your partner go to a defensive mode and the conversation you are having can turn toxic within minutes, says relationship therapist, Tammy Nelson (3). Instead of accusing your partner using words like ‘always’ and ‘never’, stick to the facts. You can say, “I cleaned the dishes five times this week,” or “we haven’t been on a date for a long time” instead of using the nasty words.
4. “My Ex Wouldn’t Have Done That”
There is a reason why you left that man and chose your husband. Making comparisons with your ex might hurt your partner’s ego and he can start questioning the relationship. He may start to feel less secure about himself, says therapist Kurt Smith (4). Never compare your husband to your ex, your friend’s husband, her boyfriend, or anyone else for that matter.
5. Giving Him The Silent Treatment
While it’s okay to take your time to cool off because you don’t want to say something regretful, being completely silent sends the wrong message to your partner. It makes him feel like you don’t care. Not talking or trying to resolve the issue means you are not interested in making an effort, says Clinical psychologist and behavioral scientist, Josh Klapow (5). If you need some time to process your thoughts, let your partner know about it, but don’t shut down all of a sudden.
6. I Can See A Few Extra Pounds There
Would you like it if your man calls you fat? The same goes the other way too. Commenting on their weight or looks can cause a negative impact on their self-image especially when it’s coming from their partner. He may also start feeling conscious about his body when you are being intimate, says relationship expert, Esme Oliver (6). If you are concerned about his weight, try to put it in a different way like “Let’s start eating healthy” or “Maybe we should go for a run every morning.”
7. But…
Whatever you were trying to say or discuss, as soon as you utter the word “but”, everything you said before gets completely negated, says Susan Heitler, a psychologist in Denver, Colorado (7). So try to avoid using the word “but.” Even when you are making an apology, using “but” along with sorry makes your partner feel like you don’t mean it when you apologize.
It’s important to be on the same team and learn to forgive and forget to make a marriage work. Be respectful towards one another and try to sort things out in a healthy and constructive manner.
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