9 Decisions You Should Always Make For Yourself. Even If You Are Married
Jayant is passionate writer and editor.
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Unless you’re a hermit living in some remote cave off of Cape Cod, the decisions you make in your life will certainly affect multiple people. It could be any one (or all) of the six roommates you share your life with, or it could be, even more importantly, your partner. The one you married, ’til death do the two of you apart and all. So, there’s that.
However, there’s another more important person that you decisions are going to affect, and that’s you. And sometimes – as in the wise words of Shakespeare – “To thine own self be true” is the best course of action. Here are 9 decisions that aren’t easy to make, and require much deliberation with your partner, but are ultimately best made with your own interests in mind, and hence, by you.
1. Kids
Whether or not to have kids is a pretty big question by itself, but there’s also the small matter of how to have them (adopt or not), when to have them, how to raise them, how many to have and also what is to be done if you aren’t able to have kids. If you’re not ready to have kids, or don’t feel like you’d make for a very good or committed parent at the moment, it’s pretty important to relay these feelings to the people who will play an active role in bringing the child up – spouse, mother, motherinlaw or whoever. It’s never wise to get pressured into having kids and then ruin several lives as a result.
2. Career
Your work is where you spend the majority of your day, everyday, for the majority of your adult life. Safe to say, it’s no joke that you need to be interested, and several degrees of satisfied wherever you are to have any semblance of a fulfilling life. So while the offers may be pouring in for you rather talented self, the gentle nudges from family may be adding up, and that extra pay packet seems alluring in itself – just remember, trust your gut feeling and make your own call. You’re the one who’s going to have to go in every day.
3. Money
Trailing off from that last part, most of what we do everyday, no matter how much feel good movies try to convince you otherwise, is a direct pursuit of money or a result of its expenditure. So when it comes to spending or saving it, listen to all ideas, consider all proposals but make the final decision yourself.
4. Friends
This is another big one that takes a hit as soon as a person gets married, and that’s not without reason. Not every spouse (very few, in fact) will be okay with you spending time with all of your good looking single friends, or entertain your bestie from 12 years ago who never seemed to mature or wise up. Still, there’s also a limit. Not everyone will understand how your friends helped pick up off the ground when you needed it, or what its significance was. Don’t let old alliances that have served you so well die just because there’s someone in your life who doesn’t approve.
5. Divorce
We’re not condoning it or asking you to run away, because you’re likely to hear some really stale, archaic stuff on that from the rest of your family. Considering that the first document that “permits” (Hindu, but all really) women to divorce in this country was the constitution in 1950, we can conclude that our all too sanskaari nation isn’t too keen on discussing the “D” word. Any “D” word for that matter. Fact is, only you know the hopelessness of waiting for an unsolvable issue to set itself straight, for compatibility to form out of thin air and for all your problems to go away with “patience” and “talking it out.” Sometimes, that kind of stuff doesn’t work and you have to rescue what’s left of your selfesteem, selfrespect and future by getting the heck out. Talk to only people you trust, talk to your spouse if you can, but the call is finally yours.
6. Birth Control
Maybe you’re not averse to the idea of kids as a man, but you don’t want them right now. Or maybe, as a woman, your birth control meds are the very reason you are able to function normally in day to day life, and your very existence is hell without them (hello, cramps and other bad stuff). Whatever it is, the decision to be on birth control is yours, and not anyone else’s.
7. Food
Your relationship with food is yours alone, and we’re not talking only about exotic allergies here. While arguments that tend to have to do with food aren’t as serious as the ones above, the implications are pretty dire if you get it wrong. Only you know what you looked like as a kid and what you had to do to look the way you do now. Conversely, if you’re a vegetarian or a strict meat eater, it is entirely your choice to adhere to, not that of anyone else’s.
8. Passions
What you like to do in your spare time is nobody’s business, unless it’s illegal. Whether you’re passionate about writing in your den, reading out by the garden or polishing your collection of painstakingly collected pebbles, you should allow no one to judge you for it. Sure, spending all of your time in a dimly lit basement isn’t ideal to maintain relationships with most other people, but if you’re doing it in moderation and to unwind, don’t let anyone get on your case about it.
9. Charity
You’d be surprised how many pennypinchers have a problem with even the most basic contributions to those currently in need. If your donations of time and money are within the bounds of common sense (and even if they’re bordering on the generous side), you have every right to help out the workers’ kids or volunteer at the local red cross, including donating blankets and suchlike. Unless you’re denying your family of the very basic amenities, there is no need to listen to how that one extra plush luxury could be bought with charity bound cash.
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