When You’re Pregnant, Everyone Is Suddenly An ‘Expert’ On Your Health
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Ever wondered why when you are pregnant, people all around you swarm towards you like a bee to a honeycomb and buzz with advice? That’s the unspoken law for mothers-to-be. From uncles and aunts, you had never heard of before to that lady at the parlor, everyone is going to give you a slice of their mind because, they know best.
Or at least they believe they do.
Unfortunately, I didn’t know that was going to be the case right up until I got pregnant. Or maybe it was when I got visibly pregnant! Trust me, nobody is going to shower you with friendly advice when that bump is safely tucked away under your clothes. However, as soon as your outfits stop containing your ever-growing belly, that’s when people brim with suggestions that you could totally do without.
Not to be rude, all of the suggestions are definitely well meaning. Nevertheless, half of the advice, ‘experts’ all around you pelt you with, may not even be scientifically true!
Case in point. For the last year or so, my barista and I had gone through the daily motion of the good old ‘place order, give money and get coffee’ routine. She always made it a point to say something about the morning she was having. A polite conversation always ensued between the two of us, filled with the aroma of freshly brewed coffee. This time (and by this time I mean when I was in my last trimester), I asked her for my usual order of an espresso.
But this time, instead of chitchatting as usual, she just looked at me with an eyebrow raised in confusion.
“Are you sure you are allowed to have a cup of espresso?”
For a split second, I didn’t know how to react. But having read countless medical studies, I knew that her concern was not scientifically valid, though her intentions were good.
I mumbled a, “Oh, that’s okay. You see that was believed to be true. But now, there are studies to prove otherwise, so it’s really not that big a deal…” And then I walked off, feeling awkward and bad at what had just occurred.
And from then on, no matter where I went, these ‘experts’ continued to give me dime a dozen words of unsolicited wisdom. They told me about what I should or shouldn’t put in my body – from the kind of coffee I had to the type of cheese I ordered on my pizza.
They told me about the optimum weight I should have lest I gained too much and got diabetes and had to go through a C-section. They even told me about the type of shoes I should wear – shoes! And it didn’t even matter how old I was, or how much knowledge I possessed; there was no way of stopping this influx.
The sad thing though – and I repeat, I know they have good intentions – is that people tend to just focus on what is best for the fetus. What is best for you, as a mother-to-be is not talked about. And it doesn’t matter if they turn out to be wrong and you know it; the point is you would still end up feeling bad about not following their advice.
Yes, it is great that our society cares so much about the health of an unborn child. But what’s sad is that the focus is so much on the baby (and not on the mother of that baby) that it almost comes off as paternalistic. Moreover, most of this friendly advice cannot even be backed up by facts.
Take the question of coffee, for example, which shouldn’t really raise an eyebrow in 2017. For several years, we were told that consumption of coffee by pregnant women carried the risk of a miscarriage (1). But with continuous research into the matter, science has been able to prove that it is not true. Moderate consumption is totally acceptable and doesn’t harm the baby in any way (2). But that doesn’t count. I still get stared at in bewilderment and am given a decaf when I clearly crave an espresso.
I also come across this notion somewhere that every single rule of pregnancy is meant to prepare a woman for the life of a self-sacrificing mother – the mother who should place her baby’s well being before hers. As
regressive as that sounds, it is still a model our society functions on, which is why you have to go through a round of ‘expert advice and opinions.’
The truth of the matter is that no woman wants to be a failure as a mother even before her baby is born. But there are circumstances that are beyond her control. You may stick to every rule in the book but things may still go wrong. You may not even ever find out the why of them.
Therefore, it is important to know that most things are out of your control – including a healthy pregnancy. So trust your instincts and carry on.
Stay strong mommies!
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