7 Ways To Get Over A Fight With Your Partner
saumya gaur 
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So here’s the thing about couples. They fight. Yes, even those who post those saccharine sweet posts on social media declaring their undying love for each other. And there’s nothing new, or peculiar about it.
But the one thing that sets apart a fight with your partner from say, a fight with a friend, or say, a family member, is that it becomes difficult for both the parties to overcome their inhibitions and resolve it owing to various factors such as their unique power dynamic, expectations from each other, etc. Or it can be simply that you know it was your fault, and you’re afraid that owning up to it will distance your partner. Or that you’re just hopeless, awkward, and desperate for love (remember Chandler, from Friends?). So how do you get yourself out of this peculiar pickle?
Don’t worry, we have got this. Join us as we give you the lowdown on walking the tightrope of resolving a fight without leaving any lasting impact on the relationship.
1. Choose Silence Over Defence
As soon as one gets into an argument, their instinct to defend themselves kicks in. You start rifling through every nook and cranny of your brain to come up with counter arguments to prove your point which backfires even more. Instead of doing this, we suggest that when you find yourself drawn into an argument with your partner, don’t treat it like a court case, that you have to win. Retreat into silence for a few moments to consider the merits of the issue, maybe you will realize the argument wasn’t needed in the first place.
2. Give Each Other Space
Another common misconception is that if you are a couple, you have to do everything together. And taking some time apart is a sign of a problem. Nothing could be farther from the truth. As a matter of fact, if you do find that a particular argument has taken a toll over your relationship with your partner, take some time off and let things cool off. You can use this time apart, to introspect and look at things from your partner’s perspective. You might actually come to appreciate that too.
3. Communicate; Don’t Blame
It’s the oldest trick in the pop-psychology, but also, one that has stood the test of time. If you are in the process of having a dialogue with your partner, communicate your feelings to them, without blaming them for it. For example, instead of saying something like, “You made me feel guilty.” Frame it like this, “In that situation, I felt very guilty, and it didn’t feel nice, can we do something about that?”
Not being blamed will ease your partner’s defensive stance and you both can focus on the solution instead of the problem.
4. Accept Your Fault
Seems pretty obvious, but still I will repeat it for the greater good. Own up to your mistakes. Whether it’s something as trivial as you being a little lax on the chore-front or as huge as an indiscretion, owning up to it is the best thing to do. It takes off the burden of your partner’s, wherein they feel like they are always confronting you with problems only for you to deny it.
This paces up the process of reconciliation.
5. Seek The Cause First
Often times, the biggest of fights happen for the silliest of reasons, but they are only a symptom of something larger that is plaguing your relationship. It could be that your partner is paying you attention, but your own insecurities are not letting you register that.
So our advice, investigate the root cause and treat that, not its symptoms, i.e, the fight.
6. Be Willing To Do The Things You Expect From Them
I shall illustrate this point with an example (a hypothetical example) — if you feel that your partner often takes their family members in an argument against you and you want to limit their presence in your life as a couple, ask yourself whether you would be willing to do the same with your family? If your answer is no, then it’s pretty evident that it’s an unfair ask.
Don’t ask them for something that you yourself can’t do.
7. Apologize And Forgive
This is the clincher in this listicle. You can’t really move on unless and until you have got some closure, so be sure to do that. If it’s your fault then apologize and make sure your partner realizes it’s genuine, and move on. On the other hand, if it was their fault and they did apologize, graciously accept their apology and move on.
Remember there is no scoring board, and there is no victory to be won here. What matters is your relationship, so try to work on that rather than scoring points against each other by lording each other’s faults over them.
Keep these tips in mind, and you’ll be each other’s favorite person in no time. Have you ever had a big fight with your partner? How did you get over it? Share your experiences with us in the comments section.
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