How Not To Marry The Wrong Guy
saumya gaur 
Image: Shutterstock
So, you’ve reached that phase in life, where your friends, colleagues, and numerous cousins are all lining up by the mandap to take the plunge. Your mother is constantly asking you to meet Sharma ji’s son, and your father has taken over the charge of arranging your personal swayamvar over the million wedding portals he has made your profile on. All around you, you can hear a million wedding bells, both literally and metaphorically.
Obviously, you, yourself are feeling the pressure. You are wondering if it’s the time to have the “Where-is-this-going” talk with your boyfriend. In case, you are yet to find a boyfriend, you are all up on Tinder, Bumble, and what not to find him ASAP. You are even game to try Quora! But wait, in all this haste you shouldn’t end up committing a colossal mistake by marrying the wrong guy. After all, in the end, it’s you who will suffer the consequences, not those hundreds of strangers who are going to turn up at your fancy wedding.
So how can you avoid stepping into a grim conjugal future? By keeping in mind these valuable tips.
1. His Past Is The Key, Don’t Be Quick To Dismiss It
Have you ever heard something about your boyfriend and wondered if it is true because it sounds so unlike him? Sure, he seems like the perfect partner to start this next phase of life with, but don’t ignore his past. If there are things in his past that are anything less than ideal, then you need to investigate that. You need to ask him upfront about that, and if he says that it was due to the circumstances during that time then it’s ok. With changing of circumstances, he changed too. But if it had to with more deep-seated issues then it’s something that’s hard-wired in his brain, and you know, old habits die hard.
2. Be Clear About Your Needs
Women are often taught to suppress their needs and desires because apparently, “nice girls” don’t do that. But all relationships are built on the foundation of wants and needs, so be open about what you seek from a relationship. Also, state the things that you’re willing to live with but be very clear about the qualities that you consider a must-have in your partner. So that later on, you don’t feel unfulfilled in your relationship.
3. Concentrate On What Is, Not On What Is Going To Be
How do most mothers or mother-figures introduce you to a prospective match? They do that by spinning a nice web of what your future will be like if you end up with him. “He is doing his MBA, wants to settle in the US. Imagine how happy you would be with him there.” — ignore these statements. Focus on his present. Is he a good student? Why is he still studying? What are his hopes after completing his education? These are the questions you should be asking. When meeting a prospective partner, take-off the fortune cookie goggles.
4. Don’t Ignore His Family Dynamics
Before you begin calling me a blot on the of image sanskaari bharatiya naari, hear me out. We are all very close to our families and it’s our interactions with them that form the axis of our social world. If he and you are on different pages regarding the involvement of your respective families in your lives, it could be a problem later on. Don’t dismiss him based on that but do talk about this. Try to work out a compromise if you can. However, if his family belongs in a Greek tragedy, you bolt for the door.
5. There Has To Be A Spark Or A Connection
Even if he is the right person for you but you don’t feel a spark, then it’s best to let it go. This piece of advice seems like it’s straight out of a rom-com but it’s very much rooted in reality. Remember you have to spend a lifetime with this person. Even in cases where there was a lot of passion in the beginning, over time, it gets replaced by genuine affection and a kind of friendship. But if there’s nothing, to begin with, except for the factor of suitability, then what will you do when you enter the twilight years? So do not give up on the spark.
6. Don’t Let Your Biological Clock Bully You
This has to be said out loud. Decisions like marriage should not be taken under the pressure of the biological clock. We all have set our own deadlines for getting married and having kids etc, but you have to realize that you can’t introduce order into a chaotic world. No matter how much you plan, life just happens. So, don’t be pressurized by these deadlines into marrying the guys, you wouldn’t normally consider going out with.
It’s your life. You, and only you have to live with the consequences of your decision. Don’t make it in a rush to settle down. Take your time and think it through. Sharma ji’s son can wait, and if he doesn’t, then you didn’t need him in the first place.
Did these tips help you in any way? Share your thoughts, and opinions in the comments section.
Community Experiences
Join the conversation and become a part of our vibrant community! Share your stories, experiences, and insights to connect with like-minded individuals. Let our readers get your unique perspectives and do better together! Read our Comment Policy to know about the guidelines.
