How To Deal With Relatives Who Undermine Your Parenting
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No one knows your child like you do, and as their parent you get to decide what’s safe and appropriate for your little one. However, sometimes, relatives undermine certain rules placed by parents without even realizing it. Maybe they let them stay up past their bedtime or insist that you are making a scene when you tell them your child can’t have a lollipop. What do you do when every nerve in your body wants to scream at them? How do you deal with relatives undermining and sidelining your parenting without coming off as rude and ungrateful? If you are faced with this dilemma, this is the article for you! Read on to know exactly what you can do to manage this situation.
1. Explain The Rules Of Your House To Them
Clear and well-defined boundaries are essential for effective cooperation, as people perform at their best when they clearly understand the limits on specific matters. You cannot reasonably expect your in-laws or anyone else to adhere to your parenting principles unless they have an understanding of your objectives and reasons. Therefore, it’s important to take the time to clearly communicate your rules to those who spend the most time with your children. This proactive approach will help prevent any undermining of your rules in the future.
For example, if your children are not allowed to eat candy after 4 pm but their grandparents show up for dinner with a bag full of sweets, make sure they know about the rule so that they don’t offer your kids a piece after dinner. Instead they can hand the bag over to you and tell their grandkids that their parents will give them a piece tomorrow morning.
2. Collect Yourself Before Planning A Discussion
You are not going to get through to anyone when you are fuming mad, all you’ll get into is a fight! Having an emotional reaction to relatives breaking your parenting boundaries won’t help the situation. So take the time to calm down and collect yourself first. Step out of the room and count to 10. Take deep breaths and clear your mind. When you feel like you can think logically, come up with a plan. Your best course of action would be to get your partner involved so that you can both discuss how you want to handle this. Maybe you could sit down with the relative privately and reiterate your parenting rules to them or request them to stop undermining you.
3. Present A United Front With Your Partner
This is extremely important. You and your partner should be on the same page when it comes to parenting rules and how you want to handle people who don’t get the memo, even if it’s your respective parents. If they detect that there is conflict between you and your partner, they might use that as an advantage. So, make sure you pose a united front so that people, in-laws included take you seriously. Let your spouse lead the conversation on their side of the family. Your in-laws are less likely to have a strong emotional response when the problem is posed by their own child. Keep in mind that confrontations often work best when the one closest to the party leads the conversation.
4. Decide What You Can Let Slide
No one is perfect, not even you. So if someone makes a mistake or forgets one of your rules, it’s okay to let it slide. You don’t want to be too strict, and in some situations, it’s better to relax your rules instead of arguing. This is especially important when others are looking after your child. If you’re going to be away from your kids for a while, or if someone else takes care of them daily due to work, decide which rules you can be more flexible about and which ones need to stay firm.
For example, if you drop off your kids at their grandparent’s house for the weekend and they make them some unhealthy treats, you’re going to have to loosen the no oily food rule in order to accommodate them. As a compromise they can promise not to give the kids too many sugary treats before bedtime. Problem solved.
All parents are fiercely protective of their kids and how they parent them. As frustrating as it can be to be overruled by a relative, there are ways in which you can stop this from happening without causing a rift. So, have you ever had to deal with this issue? Let us know in the comments section!
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