I Never Knew What Love Was Until I Met You

Love was a terrifying concept for me till the day I met you. To me, love meant having to wait for something that might never be mine. To toil for someone’s attention and affection without having the surety of ever getting it. I was more interested in something fleeting, something amorphous, which wouldn’t affect my life in a major way. Love was a distraction, an obstacle in my well-planned career path. All those love songs that would be on everyone’s lips would annoy me. Frankly, love seemed like too much work. And then, I met you.

When You Came In My Life

What I felt when I met you for the first time surely wasn’t love. It was more of an unspoken kinship, a feeling that somewhere, in some other lifetime we were soulmates. No one had heard me like you did that day. Over those cups of coffee, you listened to me as I poured my heart out and I did not even stop to think what you thought of me. Friendship came easy to you and your easy-going smile won hearts everywhere. When you smiled at me, I felt the sun shine a little brighter. Though now that I think of it, it wasn’t love that I felt for you then. It was more of a friendship. Love still had to wait its turn. The way you could understand me, the way you would urge me to follow my dreams, I felt safe with you. Safe enough to tell you things that I never told anyone else. Somewhere the wheels of my heart were turning.

I would eagerly wait for your messages, your phone calls. The days you were with me, passed by in a blur. Your time became my exclusive property. I would be very stingy with it, not wanting to share your presence with anyone. Still, I was afraid to give a name to what I was feeling, and I think, somewhere you too felt the same.

Was It Love? Or Something Like That

I finally gained enough courage to give a name to these feelings which were making it difficult for me to make rational decisions, day in and day out. Finally, you confessed that you felt the same way. I was happy that it was not one-sided. But with this acknowledgment came the awareness that I was in some way bound to you. Every time I thought, “Did I lose the freedom to make my choices?” You would assure me it wasn’t the case, it just meant that we are not ‘just friends’ anymore. Though I was convinced, I still had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Gradually, these doubts grew, I would question you on everything. “Where were you?”, “Who was messaging you?” or “Why I wasn’t introduced to that friend?”

Even then you never left my side, you were patient. At times cajoling, at other times angry but still, you persisted. It was your persistence and resilience that won my heart.

You Taught Me A Different Side of Love

You taught me that love wasn’t a disruptive force. Those days when I would assail you with a million questions and doubts and you would reply with a smile, you taught me that love was patience. I realized, I had known love to be very selfish, whereas it was very giving. Your ability to be there for me, even at my worst, taught me that love, first and foremost, was forgiving. You would tell me to work hard to achieve my dreams and goals, push me to look out for opportunities, cheer me on from the sidelines and pick me up when I fell. This made me realize that love meant helping your partner shoulder their way through whatever obstacles lay in their path. After you came into my life, I realized that love was easy. Getting up at night to check my temperature, while I was sick, even though you had an early meeting the next day. Giving me the last piece of chocolate. Waiting to pick me up whenever I had a little too much to drink. All this was love. It wasn’t the kind of love shown in movies and written about in books, but it was how you loved me. Not wanting to change the person I was, accepting me with all my faults but continuously encouraging me to be a better person.

You never got me flowers, you never took me on candlelight dinners. You wouldn’t dote on my every word. You did not fall for me the moment I took of my glasses. We fell in love slowly, gradually. It did not happen overnight. We never actually said the words aloud, but it was an unspoken feeling. I never knew you could be so content in life, so happy with what you had, but then I realized I had never been loved this way before. I sure do know what love feels like after I met you. I truly love you!

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