3 Main Things A Parent Should Never Say To Their Child
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Every parent wants a child who is obedient and respectful. We want them to behave well and listen to us when we say something important. But kids often have a mind of their own and as they grow, they care less and less about doing what they are told. This has more to do with testing the parent’s boundaries than anything else. And usually, when they face suitable consequences for their actions and are disciplined appropriately, they “settle down”. But most parents don’t know the right strategies to use in order to discipline their kids properly. They say the first thing that comes to mind. And although you may think you’re doing your best under duress, you may actually be making matters worse for yourself and your child. So, if you want to know all the things you should avoid saying to your kid when they need to be discipled, we’ve got a list. Read on to know them all!
1. Get It Out Of Your System
Kids, especially toddlers, aren’t known for their impulse control. And sometimes they have compulsions that they can’t really explain. They may be unable to curb the urge to throw toys up in the air, make annoying high pitched sounds, and run around the house naked. Sometimes, parents try their best to get a hold of the situation and when they realize that threatening or running after their kid does nothing, they simply allow them to continue with the behavior so that they can “get it out of their system.” But this is not a concept that will work out well in the long run.
The challenge here lies in the way your child’s brain is wired. Allowing them to freely run around the house until they tire themselves out won’t necessarily reduce their inclination to repeat the behavior. In fact, it’s more likely to have the opposite effect. By permitting this conduct to persist without any consequences, you inadvertently reinforce the undesired behavior. A more effective approach would involve promoting a positive alternative. This could entail encouraging your child to play in their underwear or pajamas, or setting a challenge for them to keep their clothes on, as that’s what older kids do. This way, you reinforce the positive behavior rather than the negative one.
2. Stop Being Shy
Some kids are simply more reserved and introverted than others and there’s nothing wrong about it. If you’re out attending a gathering and your child isn’t being forthcoming, it isn’t because they want to come off as disinterested or disrespectful. Most of the time, they may just not know what to do around a third party. Sure they may be energetic and loud around you, but to expect that of them around people they don’t know is unfair. Not all kids are outgoing and there is no way to make your child more outgoing.
Telling your kid to stop being shy will only make them more anxious and self conscious while around other people. Instead, let your child hover in the background until they want to interact with their environment. You can always explain that your little one takes a while to warm up to new situations and people. This way, the child will start to relax more quickly and soon mingle with people without feeling pressured by you.
3. If You Really Love Me
Using emotional manipulation is not the right approach to achieve your desired outcome. In fact, it’s one of the least effective tools for guiding your child’s behavior. It’s important to recognize the fine distinction between guilt and coercion. Guilt is a valid and constructive emotion when it prompts a person to make amends. However, it also requires empathy, where your child acknowledges that their actions have caused someone else distress. Parents can draw attention to this sense of remorse to help children comprehend why they should avoid hurting others. But it’s crucial never to cross the line by questioning your child’s love for you simply because they don’t comply with your wishes.
Unconditional love is what helps your child build security and trust in their relationship with you. So, if you shake this foundation they will lose their trust in you. After a certain point, they won’t care for your approval and love, which can lead to even more bad behavior and feelings of anger. Your child will be far more inclined to do what you say when they know that you have their best interests at heart. You do this by looking out for your child and giving them a valid reason as to why you don’t want them to engage in certain behaviors.
There are better ways to discipline and get through to your kids than using these three harmful phrases. Make sure you find healthier ways to work with your child so that their positive behaviors are reinforced by you.
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