When One Partner Wants More Babies And The Other Does Not

In a perfect world, you and your partner would agree on everything. You want the same food for dinner, enjoy the same movies, share the same hobbies, and get along with each other’s friends. But unfortunately, nothing about a relationship is perfect. Relationships are built on love and respect, but also compromise. Now comprising might seem like your enemy, but only when we compromise on certain things can we move forward. If you want sushi and your partner wants Mexican food for dinner, you can compromise and go for either one or choose something that you both don’t mind. But what if you want more kids and your husband is happy with just one child? Or the other way around? Are you ready to compromise on that?

There could be several reasons why one person doesn’t want more kids. The following include some common reasons for it:

• With each child comes a huge financial responsibility as well. Can you afford to take care of another human being and live a happy life?
• Time is another constraint when you think of having kids. Kids consume a lot of time in our lives. Add to that your job, partner, social life, and all the other responsibilities.
• Pregnancy, labor, and childbirth can be quite demanding on a woman’s physical and emotional health. This can make you reluctant to go through the same experience again.
• With another child coming in the picture, your family dynamics are going to change. Your child won’t be the only baby anymore and your attention will be divided between the two. This change can worry some people.
• The birth of a baby can drastically affect your relationship with your partner. There will be less ‘couple time‘ and more baby time.
• If raising your firstborn has been challenging and a real struggle, you may be not loving the idea of having another child.

So, now that you know at least a few of the common reasons for not wanting more babies, let’s discuss what you can do if you are caught in such a situation with your partner.

Talk It Out

The first step obviously has to be discussing with your partner about their opinion on having kids, and why. When they talk, it’s important to really listen to what he/she is trying to say and understand so that you can address their concerns.

Don’t Rush It

Create a window of time when both you and your partner are free and have no prior engagements. This isn’t something that you can discuss while taking out the trash or doing laundry. Also since it is not a lighthearted topic, it’s best to steer clear of alcohol as you need to keep a clear head.

Keep An Open Mind

Whichever side you’re on, it’s important to go in with an open mind. Remember that you are in this together and focus on working through that. Try to understand why your partner feels the way they do and be patient and calm. Being angry or picking a fight will only make your partner hesitant to open up to you.

Dig A Little Deeper

Try to figure out why you or your partner feel the way you do. Take time to discuss your reasons and see if either of you can come to a mutual decision.

Remember That People Can Change Their Mind

If you both aren’t able to reach an agreement, you can set a date to discuss it in the future. It could be 6 months or a year from now. Until then, make sure you are not harboring any feelings of resentment in your mind towards your partner.

This is a topic that can bring up hurt, disappointment or resentment towards your partner. But remember, they have every right to an opinion and are just being honest about their feelings. Try not to dwell on negative feelings, and find a way to work it out. And remember, you don’t have to reach an agreement right away.

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