A Harsh Reality Of Marriage After Kids No One Talks About
The moment I walked down the aisle, people started asking us when we were planning to have kids. Five years later, here we are, with two girls and one boy. Time seems to have moved lightning fast since I had my little munchkins. My husband and I always wanted kids. We wanted a big family, and it’s safe to say that we got one. But 5 years into our marriage, we have lost something – our connection.
How My Life Changed After Kids
If you ask me when – I don’t have a date to tell you guys. I guess it happened gradually over time. We probably started drifting apart after I had my first child. My whole day went in changing diapers, feeding my baby, and washing shirts soaked in my own milk. Though we would take turns feeding and changing diapers, there was only so much my hubby could do as he had to go to work in the morning. We thought of hiring domestic help, but we couldn’t find anyone within our budget. It was the same with my second and third child. However, being a pro made a few things easier for me.
I love my kids, and they mean the world to me. So I was happy to quit my job and stay back at home to take care of them. I always imagined my life to be happy and fun. But we both got so engrossed in our own thing that we rarely made any plans together.
We barely had anything in common. And I guess even that played a role in disintegrating our connection. I like going outdoors and traveling. But he likes to stay at home and watch soccer. And I hate soccer. He likes to drink beer and play video games, while I like to sip tea and watch TV series. But those things never came in the way of our relationship before. We always managed to have fun in each other’s company.
But now that I am a full-time mom who occasionally writes in her spare time, and he’s out there climbing the corporate ladder, our dinner conversations have also come to a standstill. Now, all we do is talk about the weather and how the food is. Oh, my God, my worst nightmare has come true! We have become a boring old married couple (minus the ‘old’ part).
Finding Time For Each Other Can Be Tough
I know what every self-help book and article out there says – “Find time for each other.” Like the thought has never crossed my mind. But when you are looking after 3 kids, and taking care of your husband every day of the week, finding time becomes an impossible task. I just want to switch off and take a long nap while my husband takes over the household chores during the weekend. And we order takeout Chinese food or pizza at night and enjoy watching some TV.
It’s been forever since we last went on a romantic date. And the dinner conversations have also come to a zero. Although sometimes I go on and on about how my little one spilled milk all over the kitchen counter while the other one was all cranky about something that happened at school. And then he talks about how he had a long meeting about something which goes completely over my head. I feel like we are two individuals who are living entirely different lives under the same roof.
We love each other, but the sad reality is that the spark has flown out of the window and a few date nights aren’t going to fix anything. I’m not saying no to going for a movie or eating a romantic dinner at a restaurant. That would be nice, of course. But I miss the long conversations we used to have. I miss talking about life, sharing our dreams and passion.
I hope things get better in the coming years. Marriage is a joint effort, and I know it takes two to make it work. I have decided from now on I will be more open about my feelings and make a real effort to rekindle the romance once again. Until then, adios and wish me good luck!
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