‘At Least You Can Get Pregnant’ And Other Things Not To Say After Miscarriage

Becoming a mother may not be every woman’s deepest desire. But once you know you’re pregnant, it becomes your dream. It would seem like you’ve always wanted this – always! In such a scenario, a miscarriage is something too tragic as any other close one’s death, for a mother. For an outsider who hasn’t experienced this grief, it becomes very difficult to empathize with the victim. Sometimes, you try to sympathize with them but in all the wrong ways.

Here is a list of things that you should never tell a mother who’s lost her baby even before she could hold him/her once:

Stay Away From “At Least…”

“At least you can get pregnant again,” “at least you are not infertile,” and “at least you weren’t too far along,” are exactly the kind of sentences you should avoid. You may feel that you’re trying to make them see the positive side of things but guess what? There’s nothing positive about a miscarriage- NOTHING! The moment something like this pops up in your mind, press the delete button right away.

The woman already knows that she can have another baby or she may already have other children, but she has lost one of her babies now and that is painful. You don’t have to tell her that it’s okay if you lost this one, you can make another one – it’s a baby, not a pie.

Don’t Tell Her How You Know She’s Feeling

First of all, no, you don’t know how she’s feeling. And second of all, even if you’ve had a miscarriage in the past, you really don’t know how she’s doing. Women are very different and the depth of a miscarriage’s aftermath varies drastically. Some women take it with a lot of boldness and strength while it becomes unbearable for others. Such situations may call for prolonged therapy sessions with a psychologist.

Do not tell her things like “oh, you must be so…” or “I know what you must be going through” because you don’t know. You definitely don’t have any bad intentions when you’re saying such things, but you must know that they have the exact opposite effect on the mother. She might even feel like you’re trying to sabotage her pain but she wouldn’t say it because she’s too exhausted to respond.

You Don’t Need To Tell Her Stories

Never compare her situation with your own or with any other woman’s when they lost a baby. If she asks you about your miscarriage, tell her in a way that isn’t too much for her. But if she never asks, do not try to make her feel good by telling that it’s common. This is not what she wants to hear right now and you shouldn’t just say it. This is her moment, something terrible has happened to her and her unborn child – understand that before talking.

So What Should You Actually Do?

Words are not always the right way to deal with such situations. You may want to talk to her about all this so that she can get past it but now is not the time. You have to wait until she has almost recovered from her grief. Just don’t say much and if she wants to talk or cry, be there as a compassionate listener. Help her with household work, get her food, visit her often and spend time with her watching a nice movie, and encourage her to go out once she’s feeling better.

Another important thing that you can do for her is to spread the news. She or her partner will probably not be in a condition to tell people that they lost the baby. And if nobody really told others about this, people might just keep calling or visiting her to ask how she and the baby are doing, which will hurt her even more. So, you can spread the news among whoever knew she was pregnant and encourage others to do so.

What, according to you, would be the ideal way to deal with such a situation? Let our readers know in the comments section below.

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