8 Things To Avoid Saying To A Friend During Their Breakup

We often struggle to find the right things to say to a heartbroken friend. More often than not we end up saying something wrong or insensitive, though our intention is to bring our friend out of the heartbreak, stop them from crying, and get them back to their normal self again. Breakups can be stressful that way for both your friend and you.

So, what do you do to make your friend come out of the breakup turmoil? More importantly, what is it that we absolutely must not do or say to make matters worse? Here are some things that you must avoid saying while trying to console your friend.

1. “I Also Went Through A Breakup”

Each of us is made differently and react to similar situations in our own unique way. You may want to fiercely guard your emotions after a breakup while your friend might find solace in telling everyone who cares to listen, about it. So, saying, “I know how you feel” and then going on to narrate how you went through the same situation will not help. Don’t make her troubles seem smaller than yours. This is about her and not you. Hence, the best you can do is sit beside your friend and simply listen to her story because your friend needs you to just be there.

2. “It’s Time To Get Over It”

Your friend might have cried for days and repeated the same story over and over again. At this point, you might feel tempted to say – “Get over it already!” This is, however, not the best thing to say while she is grieving the loss, as at the moment she is going through various emotions – from being sad and resisting the urge to call him up to being outright illogical and angry. We need our own time to gradually get over it and move on. But if you get the feeling that your friend is going into depression because of the breakup, you might want to gently ask her to seek professional help.

3. “Start Dating Again”

This is not necessarily a wrong thing to say. In fact, you should encourage your friend to move on and start dating again. But this is not the time. At the moment, she needs to know that she is awesome and lovable and she will come out of this. So, focus on the positives and let her know that you are with her. Give her time and space to her grieve her loss and come out of this organically when she is ready.

4. “I Didn’t Like Him Anyway”

Saying, “I didn’t like him anyway” may drive a wedge between you and your friend rather than making her feel better. The breakup is fresh, your friend is still trying to get over it, and you never know, she might still be attracted to him.

You can instead start a conversation with your friend and encourage her to speak about her ex. This will help her relax and calm down.

5. “I Liked Him So Much”

Saying, “I liked him so much” is not going to help either. This may send your friend running into her room, bursting into tears yet again. She does not need reminding about her ex’s good qualities – she knows and she is trying to get over it.

6. “You Dated Only For Some Time”

Your friend might have dated this guy for merely a month, yet she is taking the breakup too hard. So, you might feel very tempted to judge her and say, “Oh, but you saw this guy for only a month, why is it hurting so much?”

We must understand that some bonds form in a day, some don’t even after years. Who are we to decide how much someone is hurting or if she should or should not despair about the breakup. So, we must carefully choose our words. The best we can do is silently stand by her side and watch over her as she grieves.

7. “If He Loves You He Will Come Back”

Your friend might be struggling to understand why he left. She might be in a complete mess, trying desperately to get through to him and get back into the relationship with him. And all you want is to see your friend happy. This might be well-intentioned and you may mean well, but letting your friend believe that he will come back might lead her to a bigger disappointment. You can gently lead her to meditate and not worry about the future.

8. “Stay Strong”

Being strong is good, but right now is not the time to ask her to stay strong. Right now is the time for her to cry, crib, feel miserable, and then come out of it. Letting out pent-up emotions is important to remain sane. So, encourage your friend to cry, speak out her feelings, and relax while you patiently pick up after her. This will help her heal faster and become stronger in the long run.

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Chandrama Deshmukh

   

Creativity has no limits. And words have no barriers. Together they can create magic, bridge all gaps.I work with words. Words that sound great, words that make sense, words that sell and words that tell..

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