13 Things You Need To Give Up To Make Your Marriage Magical Again
Jayant is passionate writer and editor.
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Marriages are hard work, just ask anyone who’s in one. We jest, but the larger point remains, marriages take effort and dedication, but not all of those efforts are geared towards gaining stuff. Instead, you’re looking at losing a few things as well, things that are holding you guys back from reaching your entire potential.
Here are 13 things that your marriage is much, much better off without.
1. Neediness
Neediness is going to kill every relationship, and marriages are no different. There’s a fine line between being attached and being needy, and you need to discover that line rather quick. Neediness is borne out of a series of unpleasant emotions, fear, distrust and selfishness to name just three. Love, coincidentally, is based on the opposite.
2. Emotional Baggage
Everybody has some bags of emotionally laden back-stories that they keep checking in, but perhaps they shouldn’t. Okay, we’re being polite, lose your emotional baggage now. You’ve been through a lot and the past wasn’t ideal, we get it. You can’t let the past dictate your present now, so lost the negative attitude and self-pity, and take your life (and your marriage) by the scruff of your neck.
3. Trying To Get Something
You’re married because you love and want to be with the other person, or at least we hope. If your marriage is solely built on your desire to gain something, it isn’t going to go very far. In fact, it doesn’t even matter if you provide a lot to the marriage, if a necessary condition is that you get an equal amount back (not enough, but an equal amount). If you’re looking merely for self-validation, sex, intimacy or looking to fill any other void, you’re barking up the wrong tree.
4. Trying To Always Meet The Other’s Expectations
Is extremely unhealthy for your relationship, and there’s no excuse otherwise. In fact, it would be much better off for you to have a backbone and stand up for yourself once in a while. There’s only one time that it’s okay to be somewhat shamed and made to conform, and that’s in college. Not when you’re married.
5. Trying To Always Be Right
Sometimes it doesn’t matter which one of you was right and which one of you was wrong, as long as things work out. All’s well that ends well. Sure,if your partner is never willing to admit to their mistakes, it’s a different proposition, but if they’re scared of voiving their opinion because you’ll instantly call them out as incorrect, it’s time to take a step back.
6. Playing The Blame Game
The cousin of the above condition, passing the buck when it comes to responsibility is an act as sleazy when you’re married as it was when you were in class 5, except the “young and stupid” caveat doesn’t apply anymore. If it’s affecting you, chances are you’re at least in part responsible so sort it out.
7. Trying To Be Perfect
Seeking perfection in ourselves, our partners or in the relationship is a task most futile and energy sapping. There’s no such thing as perfect people or relationships, no0 matter what Facebook has you thinking. So give it up, enjoy the moment and compliment your partner every now and then for an even stronger bond.
8. Being Fearful
Of what? Of losing the other person, of them sleeping with the neighbor, of you sleeping with the neighbor, of falling out of love, of this current relationship becoming like any of your past ones. There’s so many things to be afraid of, so don’t even bother. Open up to your loving side and embrace your partner, and be thankful for the things you do have instead of being fearful of maybe losing them.
9. Jealousy
That new guy at your wife’s workplace, the… okay, we can only think of examples we’ve seen in Star World TV shows, but the point is that jealousy is rooted in insecurity, so figure out what ius making you insecure and work on it for a much more wholesome experience.
10. Wanting To Make Them Right
Wanting to fix your partner isn’t the right way to approach the problem, if there exists one on the first place. Changes will happen, but you want them to be organic, and not forced upon by their partners – those kind of changes invariably end up failing. So don’t attempt them, work on making yourselves stronger as a couple.
11. Constant Criticism
Sucks. No one wants to hear it, and if they’ve actually done something wrong or messed iup somewhere, hearing constant criticism will make them not want to change, which will end up enraging you even more. Clear and respectful communication is the answer.
12. Being Possessive
Is okay to a certain degree, but you’ve got to let them get out there and live their lives! It’s only endearing if you do it one Saturday night out of 10 and you’re blatant with how much you want them to be with you. Not needy. Otherwise, having a possessive partner often turns into a stifling relationship, no matter how much you love them.
13. Unrealistic Expectations
Just being married doesn’t make you happy, heck, not even in the recent Disney movies. If you want love, compassion, joy, empathy, understanding, closeness, warmth, sex, passion, stimulating conversation and happiness, you can start by bringing it to the table yourself. It’s that simple.
Try giving up on any of these? Did it work for you? Do let us know if it did, and call us out if it didn’t. We don’t mind.
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