I Won’t Apologize For Putting My Toddler To Bed Super Late
If there’s one side effect of new motherhood you can’t escape, it’s the judgment. Everyone and I mean everyone, will question your mothering methods with an arched eyebrow, giving you that look of disapproval you don’t want to see when you’re trying so hard every day.
And I think I’ve had enough of that!
To the point that I’m ready to admit: I’m not a good mom!
The whole judgment phase has become so bad for me that everyone in my neighborhood now thinks I’m not doing right by my baby.
“You’re coming back home late”, says my neighbor with a hint of condemnation in her voice.
I was half-tempted to tell her that yes, I was coming back from a late-night rave hosted by Spongebob, but the reproach in her tone prevented my funny comeback from slipping out of my mouth. I had to remind myself that my neighbor didn’t mean any harm and that she didn’t want me to be a careless mom. But it was only 9 pm.
And I knew what was going on in her head. Her eyebrow gave it away. Her statement questioned me — what if I couldn’t get my baby to sleep? Her simple comment and expression hit me like a bolt from the blue, snapping me out of the lovely summer evening I had enjoyed with my family, only to remind me that I was a horrible mom.
I never wanted to be a horrible mom. I was working towards being a good one. I had adopted the “early to bed, early to rise” lifestyle to suit my baby’s circadian rhythm. Until I found out his circadian rhythm did not fall into the usual pattern.
My colicky baby’s midnight crying sessions had rendered our early rising plans useless. And then we couldn’t keep up with sleep loss anymore. By the time my baby fell asleep, the clock would generally strike 10 pm. And then his morning alarm would ring after roughly 12 hours of nighttime snooze. That shifted his afternoon nap to a pre-dinner one, and I couldn’t adjust well to his massive time shifts.
This odd schedule my baby and I followed was highly unusual. All the other babies I knew were tucked in by 7.30 pm. I also believed that an early bedtime was best for my baby since I had read studies that stated kids who slept less had higher chances of experiencing reading and language troubles.
I didn’t want to hinder my baby’s development! So I went into research mode, reading one research paper after another and speaking to sleep experts to get my boy on a “normal” sleep cycle. I tried all that they recommended, but nothing worked! And I was crestfallen.
Then my husband uttered pearls of pure wisdom, “Maybe that just isn’t his schedule.”
That opened my eyes, and I tried adjusting to his schedule. With this new plan in place, my baby was getting 12 to 14 hours of sleep a day. Which means I’m not that bad a mom, right?!
But no. As soon as my fellow mom friends found out, questions came pouring in, and comments were directed my way that demanded a change. At the very least, a justification of the schedule my baby and I followed. Initially, I felt like I had no choice but to defend the timetable we followed. But then I realized: I wasn’t answerable to anyone.
Deciding to work according to my baby’s sleep cycle actually made me more confident of the choices I made rather than sticking to the norm, which only made me feel judged. That confidence made me smile at my neighbor and say, “It’s bedtime”.
Maybe down the line, I’d tell her why I follow the timetable I do, but right now, getting my kid to be is a priority!
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