5 Ways A Parent’s Urge to Go Through Their Kids’ Things Can Have Negative Effects
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All parents want to be able to protect their children and safeguard them from the harsh realities of the world. But there are boundaries one has to maintain in doing so. As much as you’d like to stalk your child’s moves or rummage through their stuff to figure out what they are doing and with whom, you may be doing more harm than good. All people, even little kids, need personal space and privacy. And the old idea of denying them this simply because you are their parents just doesn’t cut it in this day and age. Besides, maintaining healthy boundaries are important in order to establish trust and facilitate a deep bond between you and your child. So, you’re going to have to put down your detective glasses and take a seat, because playing Sherlock Holmes has some serious consequences. Read on to know what they are!
1. When Parents Snoop Around, It Damages Their Relationship With The Kids
Invading your child’s privacy and breaking boundaries by going through their stuff (without their knowledge) and insisting that they share every detail of their day with you will do nothing but leave your child frustrated and annoyed. At the end of the day, you want your child to trust you and vice versa. So telling your partner information about your child that they wanted to keep between the two of you and stalking their every move can have a very damaging effect on your relationship. When your child realizes they cannot trust you, they will immediately pull away from you. Repairing these relationships and regaining their trust is very hard.
2. Invading Your Child’s Privacy Will Make Them Feel Less Like Their Own Person
There’s no doubt that a certain amount of parental control is essential for the wellbeing of your child. In fact, it fosters a healthy relationship dynamic between the parent and child. However, if the control goes too far and starts to affect your child psychologically, then it’s time to take a couple of steps back. Even if you disagree with some of the things your child does, your job is not to teach them what to think but how to think. So next time they join the drama club instead of the math club, keep in mind that making them quit will only make things worse. Invading a child’s privacy and personal decisions takes away their independence and it erases the healthy boundaries you might have previously established.
3. The More You Look, The More Your Kids Will Hide And Lie To You
All parents want to raise children who are open and honest, but if you look back on your younger years, you’ll find that there were some things you preferred to keep to yourself, and that’s okay! So, wanting to know everything about your child is unrealistic. Trust that they choose to share what they are comfortable with and that they are handling situations by themselves in healthy ways. Intrusive parents push too far and this usually backfires on them, causing the kids to cut them out of their lives entirely. Kids’ natural response to these types of parents is to hide and lie in order to maintain some semblance of privacy. Parental suspicion stems from distrust so work on your ability to trust your child.
4. Violating The Kid’s Personal Space Can Cause Mental Health Issues
Unfortunately, ruining your relationship with your child is not the worst negative effect that stems from an invasion of privacy. This can also have adverse effects on their mental health and can lead to them having anxiety or depression (1). The lack of privacy can affect how they interact with other people in society. Maybe they are always anxious and on edge or maybe they lose the will to carry out regular tasks due to their lack of autonomy. Whatever the case may be, these effects are long lasting. It can also make your child think that there is no such thing as privacy, which is a belief they will carry as they too become parents.
5. Stops Them From Learning Life Lessons
You can’t scold your kids for not knowing how to make life decisions and doing basic tasks when you didn’t give them the freedom to do so when they were kids. You may be trying to save your child from repeating the same mistakes you did or solve their problems so that they never experience hardship, but no matter how pure your intentions, you’re going about it the wrong way. Learning through mistakes and life experiences is how your child figures out how to handle complex situations. It is what makes them capable of growing up into competent adults. So, let them do what they need to do. Allow them to challenge themselves and know that if they ever do need your advice and guidance, they will come to you.
We all want to be good parents to our kids. Sometimes it’s hard to realize that they might not need us as much as they used to, but that doesn’t mean they don’t need you at all. Give them some space and let them come to you when they need advice and direction. Happy parenting!
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