5 Ways You Might Be Mom-shaming Someone Without Realizing It
Gone are the days when moms had the full-reign on how to run the household. Motherhood has transformed into a competition where children unknowingly participate because that’s what they have been taught to do since birth. Children carry the burden of their parents’ dreams even before their birth. All the decisions of the households are made while referring to the neighbor’s or the cousins’ kids’ success. If not that, the decisions are influenced by the traditional “log kya kahenge” (what will people say) or by the variety of fads that pop up on the internet.
If you are not one of those moms, you might have gotten into sticky situations where people just walk up to you to give unsolicited parental advice. Despite being offended by the seemingly good-willed counsel, all you can do is wonder at the comment and walk away with a smile. You question the stranger’s audacity if not the unknown reason for which he/she targeted you to be an unfit parent in a room crowded by other mothers and fathers. If you didn’t know till now, you have been mom-shamed on that particular occasion.
Living in the jungle of competitive moms who only want the best for their children, you are either the perpetrator of the offense or have been a victim of it. Here are some instances of mom-shaming that will serve as an eye-opener to you in either of those instances:
1. Preaching About Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding is a mother’s personal choice. There might be a variety of medical reasons why a mother cannot breastfeed her newborn. Questioning someone about this choice is equivalent to invading their personal space.
2. Questioning The Baby’s Milestones
Each baby grows at their own rate. The mother who is subjected to such questioning is already worried about her baby. Asking her anxiety-inducing questions like, “How come he is not walking yet?” or “How come she is not speaking yet” is quite pointless. Remember, the rate of development is different for each baby.
3. Commenting On Her Professional Life
Abstain from forcing your opinions of what makes a dutiful mother. You have no idea about the financial or the emotional issues of the new mother to comment on her professional choices. Understandably, you cannot stay away from your baby for too long. However, you have to empathize with the mother who is forced to do so to pursue a career or for financial stability.
4. Correcting Other’s Parenting Style
If you want to be helpful, you can offer to babysit for a day, instead of giving unsolicited parental advice. If communicated wrongly, it may make the mother second-guess her judgment, while you may come off as conceited and judgmental. If the mother needs help, one is sure that while raising a child she has learned to ask for it when required.
5. Pushing Your Values On To Her
It is good that you and your partner have decided to eradicate screen-time for your children as much as possible. Or, that you have encouraged an organic or gluten-free diet in the household. However, that doesn’t give you the right to impose your “healthy” choices on other mothers. Don’t make them feel inadequate, they are doing the best they can with the resources available to them.
If any of these instances resonate with your well-intended actions, do refrain from subjecting other moms to them. If you are a mother, who has been a victim of mom-shaming, do speak up and mark your personal space without any shame or embarrassment.
Let us know what you think about mom-shaming in the comments below.
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