I’m A Solo Parent, And Here Is What I Need Right Now
Single parents are relentless, strong, and pretty much superhumans. But they also worry, mess up, and have moments of weakness, just like anyone else. As a single parent, I have to work twice as hard to give the best for my children, so they get to enjoy the best life has to offer. Even in my workspace, I often find myself toiling relentlessly and giving nothing but my best to get to where I am.
Just like other single parents, I find myself at the receiving end of unwanted judgment, unsolicited advice, and insensitive remarks from people who make no efforts to understand where we come from. To become more sensitive towards single parents, here’s what you need to know:
1. We Need Your Empathy, Not Your Sympathy
And while we’re asking for your empathy, it’s very important for you to know that we don’t want your sympathy. There’s a fine line between the both, and what could really help is for you to put yourself in our shoes and make efforts to understand what we’re dealing with. We don’t want you to pity us. A helping hand and consideration can go a long way rather than nodding your head and assuming the sorry state we’re in.
2. Compliment Us
Parenting is often a thankless job — for both single parents and co-parents. It makes such a difference when you verbalize your appreciation for single parents. When we return home after a long day’s work, we don’t exactly have a partner to commend our efforts. Also, we’re doing the job of two parents, which means that we might goof up sometimes. This is only human, and we know that. However, when we make mistakes or have bad days, we tend to blame ourselves more than we should. So, a compliment about our progress can really make our day!
3. Quit The Judgment
More often than not, single parents are judged, well, for being single parents. It doesn’t matter if circumstances got them there or they consciously chose to be a single parent. People are quick to judge and assume the worst when it comes to single parenting, particularly if you’re a single mom. Some of these assumptions include us being incapable of nurturing our children well or being lazy and careless. The truth is, your role as a co-parent or single parent doesn’t necessarily have to define how good a parent you are. You can be the best one, whether you’re single or a co-parent, and it can go the other way too. So, drop the judgment.
4. Pitch In At Times
As mentioned, when you’re a single parent, you’re technically doing the job of two. This essentially means that you invest all the time you have in your hands to do the job of both parents. And that can get exhausting! Even if you’re not physically doing something around the house, the chances are that our minds are running, thinking of the next thing to strike off the long list of pending activities. So, when you offer to cook a meal, pick my child from school, or even babysit for one weekend, we’ll be so very grateful. We do need a bit of a breather once in a while!
5. Lend A Ear
Sometimes, all you have to do is listen. There may be occasions when we have a complete breakdown. We’re also apprehensive about our children. We’re doubtful of our parenting, no matter how good we are at it. And we may crib about how we don’t get enough sleep or keep missing out on parties because we’re just too tired. But there will also be occasions when we’re so proud of ourselves that we can’t stop gushing about it. We may end up talking excessively about how we did the laundry, cooked a meal, visited the bank, did the dishes, sent a work report, permed our hair, and made it right on time for our child’s convocation — all in twenty-four hours. Yes, stuff like this is a big deal for us!
6. Don’t Hate Us For Missing That Brunch
Given that we have so much on our plate, there may be times when we can’t make it to a reunion or a get-together. This doesn’t mean that we don’t want to be there. Sometimes, we don’t have a choice. We probably just don’t have enough time to squeeze in a get-together or brunch. And sometimes, we may have time but not the mental or physical strength to show up. We don’t often get time to just lay on our couch and relax, so if we choose to sit at home instead of hanging out with friends, don’t hold it against us. We don’t get to do that often, and it is a luxury that comes by very rarely.
Having said all that, there’s no denying that there are parents who, despite having a partner, play the role of a single parent simply because they get little to no help from their significant other. They, too, in a way, have to deal with it all on their own. The definition of a single parent isn’t all that black and white — there are many grey areas. What helps is when you see that a parent is struggling by themselves and you make efforts to be a good friend to them. And if you have been a pillar of support or a personalized shrink for a struggling parent, know that we will forever be grateful, even if we don’t say it! Are you a single parent yourself, or do you know someone who is? Share your experience with us in the comments below!
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