Why Your Children Fight So Much And What To Do About It
Image: Shutterstock
Every parent knows that a household with multiple children is absolute mayhem. The screaming matches, the shouting and the unnecessary fights that can break out over the silliest of things can be frustrating and time consuming to deal with. And although you may chock it up to typical sibling behavior you want your children to actually like each other at the end of the day. But making the brawling and bawling stop is much easier said than done. Your children may fight with each other for many reasons. Maybe they are cranky, tired or hungry. Or maybe they are simply fighting for your attention. Whatever the case may be, putting a stop to these frequent fights should be high up on your list of your priorities. Here are a few ways in which you can do exactly that!
1. Know When To Intervene And When To Leave Them Alone
As much as you’d like to separate them every time they get into a tiff with each other, sometimes the best thing to do is to leave them alone and let them figure out a solution together. Even your bubbly and overly energetic kids can’t fight forever. Eventually they will make peace with the situation and resolve the conflict by themselves. This will teach them how to compromise and deal with issues independently. Studies say that children who resolve fights themselves grow up to be tolerant adults in the future. And one study points out that it can even make you a better person (1). However, if they are resorting to violence, physical harm or bullying, you must nip that behavior in the bud immediately.
2. Mediate Between The Fight But Don’t Pass Judgment
As a parent you are bound to love your children equally but when it comes to fights, you may unintentionally favor one child over the other and that’s not okay. Even if one of them is in the wrong, it’s your job to mediate between the two kids until they realize what they’ve done wrong. Taking one side over the other will only create further resentment between your kids.
Instead of telling them who was wrong and who was right, go in and encourage your children to talk it out between themselves in a civilized manner. You can start by identifying the problem as small, medium or very big. Once you’ve put it in a category, ask your children to find a solution to the problem and help them reach an agreement on their own. Give them space to apologize to each other and make up.
3. Put Them In Time Out And Revisit It Later
The worst thing that can happen is when your kids get in a shouting match when you’re out in public. Anything can set the kids off, especially when they are toddlers. They don’t know how to and are not developed enough to control their emotions. So if your little one decides to take your older kid’s toy or the older one refuses to share a piece of chocolate with your younger one, get ready for some serious whining and yelling.
One thing to keep in mind is that although children are quick to anger, they can also quickly move on from things that upset them. Once you see them getting agitated or sense an argument about to break out, ask them to take a time out or put it on pause for a later time when they can discuss it fully. Chances are that by the time you get home, they’ve forgotten all about it and back to being best friends. If they still haven’t gotten over it, sit down with them when they are calmer and their emotions aren’t as explosive to discuss the situation.
4. If You’re Not Sure Who’s At Fault, Disciple Everyone
Sometimes kids can get extremely unruly and need some discipline in order to take boundaries and rules more seriously. If you are not sure who started the fight or who threw the first punch, it’s best to punish them both. This way they know that they will both get in trouble for misconduct if they decide to reenact WWE. Teach your kids that it is okay to have disagreements and conflicts as long as they are resolved respectfully. Give them the same punishment in order to help them bond together.
Raising kids isn’t an easy job, especially if they are at each other’s necks all the time. Although a bit of sibling rivalry is expected and can be healthy for them, constant conflict and competition can be taxing and frustrating for everyone involved and may lead to strained family relationships in the future. Now that you have the tools to minimize these fights, you and your family will have no problem preventing fights from breaking out. Happy parenting!
Community Experiences
Join the conversation and become a part of our vibrant community! Share your stories, experiences, and insights to connect with like-minded individuals.
