Here’s Why Your Style Of Parenting Can Lead To Your Child Being Popular In Their Friend Circle
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All good parents are worried about the wellbeing of their child. We want to raise them to be successful and happy people who are content with their lives. A huge part of parenting is teaching your child how to get along with others. Relating to their peers and contributing to society is the best way for your child to find a sense of self and purpose with respect to their environment. So, although popularity and being likable gets a bad rep these days due to negative connotations, being well liked and having the ability to deal with all kinds of people is a priceless attribute. And your parenting style influences this. So, would you like to know how your style of parenting affects your child’s ability to be popular? Read on to know more!
1. Popularity Doesn’t Mean Status
One thing to keep in mind while parenting kids is to differentiate between status and popularity. You don’t want your child to strive for the latter. People can garner status by showing off their wealth or physical attributes but in the end, it is shallow and not worthy of respect. Therefore, their popularity will be short-lived as people don’t actually like them for their own qualities. Moreover, there is always a possibility of teenagers getting involved in dangerous activities or showing aggression in order to gain status amongst their peers which will lead to relationship problems in the future.
The kind of popularity that sticks is likeability. Unlike compliance this is not your child’s ability to blindly follow the crowd. Likable people know how to have a difference of opinion with their peers and resolve it in a way that doesn’t involve conflict. They are well respected, they lead quietly and are generally cooperative. The type of popularity that stems from good interpersonal relationships is what will help later on in life. In fact, research shows that children who are good with people earn more (1).
2. Think About Your Childhood Experiences
Parents can help their children make friends and be generally likable as these traits develop largely due to the influence of their parenting style. Try to recollect your school years and work through any unprocessed trauma that you have experienced at that time. If you only pass on negative experiences of school onto your children they are more likely to have a skewed view of school and won’t attempt to be social. Parents whose teenage years were marked with hostility often don’t consider their relationship with their children and don’t interfere in their lives. This may not seem like a big deal to them as they are used to keeping to themselves. But the child suffers due to an absent parent.
3. It’s Okay To Be A Little Involved Sometimes
Being involved in your child’s life counts. However, your involvement in your kid’s choice of friends can be both good and bad. It all depends on the situation and at what stage you wish to get involved. For example, it’s perfectly alright for you to arrange playdates for your kids when they are little. But as they grow up, it’s better to step aside and let them manage their relationships alone. Excessive control can destroy your child’s friendships. So, make sure to give them space and the autonomy to make their own choices.
4. Be Careful With Criticism
We’ve all had harsh conversations with our parents that live in our minds for the rest of our lives. Why would you want your children to have the same? People lose their cool all the time, especially parents. Children can really test our patience. But be careful with how you reprimand them. It’s okay to punish them or talk to them as long as it serves a higher purpose. Finding fault with them and assuming the worst will do nothing but make them mistrust you. After all, why be well behaved when your parents don’t acknowledge it anyway? Keep in mind that you kids are still learning and doing their best along the way. They are bound to make mistakes from time to time. Encourage them to do better instead of bringing them down.
5. Secure Your Attachment
Children tend to copy the way they communicate with their peers from the way their parents communicate with them (2). So make sure you validate your child and give them enough attention so that they are confident enough to explore the world on their own, but know at the same time that their parents have their back.
Being a parent can be tricky. Figuring out exactly how much influence you have over your kid and always wanting to do the right thing can be exhausting. But as long as you are trying your best, you’ll raise a good kid who is well liked by others. Have we left out anything on our list? Let us know in the comments section!
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